CrazyParentText

Now a book with never-before-seen hilarious parent texts! Tweeting funny texts & giving away prizes: the 12 Days of Twitmas.

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: Jokes on you I keep submitting ur texts to “crazy things parents text”
Dad: I write your phone number on bathroom walls #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: Jordi wanted me to tell you he wants pizza
Dad: people in hell want ice water too. #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Dad: How’d the test go?
Me: Im pretty sure i failed :(…Don’t disown me?
Dad: Nah, i just wrote you out of the will #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: I’m a senior!
Dad: Congratulations, so am I. #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: Did you and mom read me Madeline to prepare me for being shipped off to boarding school?
Dad: that was the idea. PT 1/2 #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: what happened?
Dad: no one would accept you. PT 2/2 #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: That leaves a lot to do, then have sex, drugs, alcohol…
Dad: you can’t get pregnant because I didn’t PT 2/2 #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: I’m going to a party tonight. That ok?
Dad: Ok, don’t do anything I wouldn’t PT 1/2 #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: I’m losing weight!!!
Dad: TURN AROUND AND YOU’LL FIND IT! #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: Whens my iPad sposed to come?
Dad: As soon as u stop tweeting 100 times a day #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: I’m on rodeo drive, there’s no limit on my credit card right?
Dad: Sure, If you don’t want to finish college #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Dad: Were you finally able to poop?
Me: Nope.
Dad: well s**t
Dad: No pun intended #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: well, lemme know when you can pencil it into your busy schedule of bejeweled and checking your email, ok? PT 2/3 #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: Can you come get me around seven?
Dad: Maybe PT 1/3 #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Dad: haha ur funny. Pencil me in for never. PT 3/3 #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: Dad, who do I look like more, you or Mom?
Dad: You look like the hobo who gave you to us. #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

FROM DAD: BIG NEWS!!! The National Mustard Museum in town was vandalized. With ketchup. #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: Hey
Dad: Who is this…I have all my childrens names changed to a**hole. Which one are you? #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: Hey Dad can you call me when you get this!
Dad: Nope, too busy pretending that my snuggie is a Hogwarts robe. #parentstxt

[CrazyParentText @CrazyParentText]

Me: bomb threat at school.
Dad: don’t get blown up or your grounded #parentstxt