McGruff, Crime Dog

Take a bite outta crime, they tell you. But they never tell you how it bites back.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

I hit the headlights and stepped out of the car, gun aimed at the killer I'd finally cornered. And there, in the light, I saw him:
My tail.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

@Hot967 @msumavericks @MavHockey @StuntMonkey967 You've tagged the wrong dog, pal.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

Woof.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

Veronica's flophouse was a smoke-free joint, in that you could get smoke there for free, because the place had burned down the week before.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

He gave me a look that said he didn't like wisecracks, and reached behind his back.
Seafood never does agree with me.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

Down at Jimmy Cho's, I got stopped by the octopus workin the front door.
"You armed?" he asked me.
"Yeah," I said, "but just the two."

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

Pal, you got the wrong number.
I don't do that kinda thing anymore.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

Crime tastes like burnt toast, and cigarettes, and lightning. It tastes like the memory of her.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

When a car skids out on an icy road, they tell you, Turn INTO the skid.
So when Whiskers pulled his arm back for another blow, I leaned in.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

At night, I lay awake, wondering:
Who's a good boy?
Who's a good boy?
Is it me?

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

If you see supicious behavior in YOUR neighborhood, pick up the phone and dial someone who cares. Then buy a gun.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

Listen friend: I don't take jobs from cats.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

And if you take the second option, then buddy, you better not miss.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

When you've got a bad dog, you've only really got two options.
The first option is to turn him loose.
The second option's different.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

See the thing is, there's no reasoning with a bad dog. No fixing him. A bad dog--real bad, I mean; dangerous bad--that's down to the bone.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

Then one day you come home and realize Sparky's no pup anymore. And Sparky's got a bad attitude. Sparky doesn't want to come or sit or stay.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

You tell him, "Spark, sic 'em."
You tell him, "Sparky: kill."
Then you take his leash off.
Soon enough, you don't need the treats anymore.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

You tell him, "Sparky, sit."
"Heel, boy."
"Stay."
You get it so his ears prick up every time he smells a treat.
Then you give him a badge.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

Next you train him. You teach him to come.
You say, "Sparky, come here boy."
And if he comes, you give him a treat.
Then he's got the taste.

[McGruff, Crime Dog @CrimeBites]

Then you tell that dog, "Listen. Your name is not your name."
Then you give him a new one.
Sparky, we'll say.