Cum Town Quotes

yeah more like five A.M.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

NICK: Here’s the little secret about radio. Sometimes things are said in different orders. The magic… a sleight of hand.
STAV: The first episode of this podcast ever… we haven’t even recorded it yet. You’ve ilstened to it already, it’s pretty cool.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

STAV: I saw you fucked some penguins.
ADAM: Dude I hung out with penguins.
NICK: Are those the penguins from the cereal box? … I wonder if you put like a toucan around a bunch of penguins that the penguins would assume the toucan is gay.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

ADAM: Did they used to drop anvils? Like was that a thing people did in real life?
NICK: No.
STAV: No I just think it was the heaviest thing.
ADAM: They didn’t drop them out of planes before bombs were invented?
NICK: [wearily] Yeah they definitely invented planes before bombs.

[i24NEWS English @i24NEWS_EN]

'The rise of the alt right made US Jews question whether a Jewish ethnocracy in the Middle East is morally sound,' says @AdamFriedland

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

ADAM: I dunno if I'm an activist.
HOST: [laughing] Whatever, comedian, we'll call you a comedian.
ADAM: [cross-talk, mumble] Cum Town.
HOST: Next time you'll tell us some jokes.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

NICK: Recine had a party, and we show up, and somebody let the Chapo guys be in control of the TV.
AMBER: I don't think anyone let them, Felix just grabbed it.
NICK: [imitating @byyourlogic] "Arrgh, we're watching Iranian Parliament fist fights."

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

NICK: That's what I did on Labor Day, is I worked to take Stav's job away from him. Meanwhile, what was Stav doing?
STAV SOUNDBOARD: A cupcake, and a candybar.
ANDY: Wow, Stav. You're gonna kill yourself.
STAV SOUNDBOARD: [Stav fake laugh] Absolutely.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

STAV: [to the tune of Human Nature by Michael Jackson] Sex, with boys / tell them that it's human nature

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

ADAM: I'm gonna be _in_ Africa, dude.
NICK: I don't give a shit dude. If you dare bless the rains while you're there...
ADAM: I'm gonna bless the rains.
NICK: If you bless those rains, you better toe the fucking line, and back off Toto.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

ADAM: I'm goin' to Africa.
NICK: [tune of Africa by Toto] Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.
STAV: Suck, suck suck suck suck my dick
ADAM: [begins singing Toto]-
NICK: No I'm doing Toto. You're not allowed to sing it.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

STAV: Adam, how's Hanukkah going buddy.
ADAM: I've gotten... I got a book from my girlfriend.
STAV: Ah that's cute.
ADAM: The only Hanukkah gift I've gotten.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

NICK: It's so funny how often the Chapo guys say words wrong.
AMBER: Oh God, Felix.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

STAV: I remember I went to a Huckabee rally as a bit, in the year 2000 maybe, and he said something about a flat tax-
NICK: Wait you went to a Huckabee rally as a bit 17 years ago.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

NICK: First of all, I don’t know anyone who isn’t a fuckin’ tax cheat.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

STAV: Shouts out to Papadopoulos. Flippin’ on the whole squad. [Singing] Ah-ah-ah-AH-ah-ah it was Trump~. Just singing like my Greek brother.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

NICK: They wrote Jackie Chan to come up with a cartoon and he was like, [racistly] “ahh, wot if it was just me."

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

@StavComedy https://t.co/IemcfWNQFs

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

ADAM: You can’t get cucked if you tell your friends they _can_ fuck your girlfriend.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

STAV: Yeah the roarin’ 20s! Everybody’s fuckin’ and suckin’ in the speak-easies and shit.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

NICK: Watch as we blow Stav’s mind by letting him know that the ‘80s is also the past.

[Cum Town Quotes @CumTownQuotes]

NICK: They let you lift weights with your shirt off at CrossFit. It fucking rules dude.
STAV: Whoa.
NICK: I just, I wanna go to jail. I wanna be in fucking prison, I just wanna sit around with my shirt off, beanie. You know.