Penumbra’s Noctis

Crossing this Phantasmal Sea, Charon rowing against the eddies of my intangible neural waves. Divinity is waiting to be untapped within the noctis of Nyx.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

I've become so codependant that I'm afraid to be alone, and i don't know how to ask for help.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

Man fuck I'm frustrated with myself, I always go all in on something then get distracted with another thing and forget the previous thing, its just like my tattoo's cyclical nature, ouroboros.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

Note 2 self try editing with 2 different fps

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

@gmeinersYT

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

@PEZOLCFTD Zeke served and ate

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

I jest I jest, therapy is important, just haven’t gotten around to doing it yet

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

I think only one follower here knows who exactly I am

Thank you for sticking with me.

Sometimes it feels like I’m gutting myself and splaying my guts out for you to silently divine if I’ve snapped or not.

I am a temperamental creature with no therapy, that shit is for pussies

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

I’ve been on a bend, 48 hours of no sleep, high off of an edible since 4am, might have a fever, I have been scrolling through twitter and got invested in so many people’s digital effigies, I don’t even care if they’re bots or not, It makes me wonder what is a person’s intent?

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

“If you crush a cockroach, you’re a hero.
If you kill a butterfly, you’re evil.
Morals have an aesthetic criteria.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

This belief is resounding in the contemporary era, the subconscious need to compare is deeply ingrained within our society.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

Action lacking forethought.
Instincts taking over the wheel.
To stimulate through any means.
Wearing my self destructive tendencies on my sleeve.
A badge of honor or a cone of shame.
Depends on how I’m feeling today.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

The sun peers through my window.
The old grandfather clock grew wings.
Luggage under my eyes growing heavy.
Plastic lawn chair by the pool.
Smoke lingers over the shimmering surface.
Golden refractions dance with the silver fox.
Breathe.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

Yet there is an emotion equidistant betwixt both these powerful emotions, fear.

Fear is just as primal as the other two, it is more grounded in our animal instincts.

Acknowledge your emotions, question them, challenge them.

Never reject emotions, they’re here to guide you.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

Hate is so easy to express, it’s addictive.

Vice versa, Love can be the same.

Yet if you been on one side of the fence for way too long, to express the opposite is quite repulsive, reprehensible, abhorrent.

If you are hateful, trust me, the grass is greener on the other side.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

Tell them so and embrace them dearly.

Love is a core emotion, it leads to others.

Love more often leads to hate, than hate leads to love.

Yet both emotions have the same amount of weight, when it comes to affecting one another.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

When I can’t control every aspect, I spiral.

This spiral is a constant battle between the corporeal world and the mental self.

The seeds are sowed from within, to become toxic plants that spread a miasma of despair and agony throughout the physical realm.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

Yet despite it all, I have to relearn the process of smelling the roses along the way.

There is no endgame, there is the journey.

To visualize the end result, for me at least, is quite destructive.

I tend to micromanage every factor to make sure it is my exact visualization.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

Time to try again, to fully embrace something I fear.

It took so much violence to become the peaceful individual I am.

Do I love myself? Yes.

Fully? No.

Yet that is ok, I will learn to do so in due time.

With or without another’s guidance, I shall embrace myself fully.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

I’m still so afraid to love but it comes so naturally to me.

I’ve found that I don’t fear it as much I as did in the past.

Mayhaps it is a mere simulacrum, a vessel for other emotions that I refuse to fully acknowledge.

[Penumbra’s Noctis @CuspidBruises]

Yet despite all of my fears, I hold out a glimmer of hope in the miasma of despair.

I know I can and will be loved despite all of my flaws and shortcomings.

I mustn’t let it get to me, I’m a natural born cynic.

That cynicism will not get at me now, even if I’m right.