CVHighlightoftheWeek

Celebrating the highs and lows, mainly lows, of the modern British CV.

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June 2018 - March 2020
Barrister - Costa Coffee, Baker Street, London

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Extremely literature, both with I.T., verbally, and the written word.

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I was a good decorator but it wasn’t challenging.
If you can piss you can paint as the old phrase goes.

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September 2018 to date
Reading University
Camp as Security Manager

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I left school early but realised my error and returned to in my early twenties, eventually securing my degree.
I have left the intervening years off my application as I held irrelevant menial positions then but if you feel my CV is a little bear I can supply more information

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2012-2015
Bachelor of Technology - Computer Science
Sam Higginbottom University of Technology & Sciences (SHITS)

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Today is the one year anniversary of my redundancy from XX and while I have not hated the year I have spent delivering packages it feels like time to try to return to an office or WFH position where I can use a toilet and not have to take an empty bottle out with me each morning

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I was very successful early in my career at XX who were a significant Nietzsche player in the accountancy software sector.

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Sport builds fitness and great character strengths while exposing our areas that need further development and I truly believe that a healthy body is key to a focused milf in this hectic society.

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Totally excellent at the CommunicatingS,.

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Legal Administration and Representation Skills:
Drafted and organised all legal documents and have always represented myself at court proceedings.

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@HJAllison I get rolls instead of roles all the time but never in a bakery setting before. Greggs would have been even better.

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I enjoyed all the various rolls I had when I worked at Subway.

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EDUCATIONAL HISTORY
Good

PERSONAL STATEMENT
Okay

LOCATION
Yes

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Worked with a virtual team of it mANAGERS, pROJECT mANAGERS, cONTRACTS mANAGERS AND qs’S 9qUANTITY sURVEYORS0@ ON A 3!&M BUILD AT kING@S cROSS>

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Since being made redundant I have been working as a background artist where I have been a customer in a newsagents, a postman who gets lost in the new forest and a man whose partner is killed by an evil midwife.
The delivery on the last two was very bad.

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If you know anything about the insurance broker market locally you will know that XX is a shit hole business and will understand I did really well by surviving there for 8 months.

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I am the one and only, nobody I’d rather be.
I can make microwave one-minute rice in fifty seconds.

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Have a look at this for me please mummy, xx An ambitious, motivated and energetic B2B and B2C sales executive looking for a new challenge where I can utilise my skills and experience.

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@LisaRangel Just follow @CVoftheWeek for the best in bad resumes.