I am doing my Bible study that I begun in January and I am in the book of Numbers…
You see, while reading the story of the children of Israel from Egypt… I just become mad like, what is wrong with these people?
God showed them everything.
He delivered them from slavery.
He parted the sea.
He fed them when there was no food.
He led them with a cloud by day and fire by night.
What more proof did they need?
But then… just a little hunger…
just a little discomfort…
just a little fear…
And they start murmuring again.
Complaining.
Doubting.
Forgetting.
And as I kept reading… something shifted.
It stopped being about them.
It became about me.
Because how many times have I done the same thing?
How many times have I panicked over bills…
like God has never provided before?
How many times have I stressed over food…
like yesterday’s provision didn’t happen?
How many times have I run to people…
begging, explaining, exhausting myself…
while forgetting that my help has never truly come from man?
The truth is painful… but necessary.
Sometimes we don’t lack evidence of God’s faithfulness —
we lack memory.
We forget too quickly.
We forget the prayers that were answered.
We forget the doors that opened.
We forget the days we had nothing… and somehow still made it through.
And just like the children of Israel…
we allow present discomfort to erase past miracles.
But God has been consistent.
Even when I had no stable income — I survived.
Even when things didn’t make sense — He made a way.
Even when I didn’t know how tomorrow would look — He carried me through today.
So why do I still worry like I am alone?
Why do I still act like God is only faithful in the past… but absent in the present?
Maybe the wilderness is not the problem.
Maybe the problem is what the wilderness is revealing in me.
A heart that still struggles to fully trust.
A mind that easily forgets.
A spirit that sometimes looks at the situation more than it looks at God.
But today… I choose differently.
I choose to remember.
I choose to remind myself that if God fed me yesterday, He will feed me again.
If He made a way before, He will make a way again.
If He sustained me without a clear source, then He doesn’t need one now.
God has never failed me.
Not once.
So I refuse to let temporary lack make me forget eternal faithfulness.
Lord, help me not to be like Israel —
seeing Your hand, yet still doubting Your heart.
Teach me to trust You… even when I don’t understand.
Teach me to rest… even when things are uncertain.
Teach me to remember… even in the wilderness.
Because the same God who brought me this far…
is not about to leave me now.
I’m his adorable wife. 😊
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but GET UP. Ask God to breathe His spirit back into you. You've been lying dormant for far too long. Ask Him to restore your creativity, your purpose, your joy, your love, your health, and your sound mind. You've slept long enough in depression, anxiety, overthinking, bitterness, loneliness, grief, brokenness, financial stress, abandonment wounds, relationship trauma, and destructive habits. Today is the last day. GET UP! Get up for your future self. Get up for your kids. Get up for the dreams God placed inside you. Get up and take your life back.
My name is Zainab. I’m 27 years old. An SS.
That is, I live with sickle cell disease.
My parents are both AS.
Oh, they They knew.
They were told.
They still married.
They said God approved it. They said love would be enough. They said faith would cover the consequences.
I am the consequence.
I was diagnosed before I was two. My childhood memories are not playgrounds or cartoons,they are; hospitals, needles, and adults whispering when they thought I couldn’t hear.
In primary school, I missed classes so often that teachers stopped asking why. Some classmates thought I was pretending. Some thought I was cursed. I learned early how to smile while feeling different.
By secondary school, the pain episodes became more frequent. I would wake up excited for school and end the day on a hospital bed. I watched my mates grow normally while my life moved in pauses, school, hospital, recovery, repeat.
At 15, I lost my younger brother to sickle cell.
We were both SS.
That day changed me forever.
My parents broke down in front of me — crying, apologizing, saying “We followed faith. We didn’t think…”
But the damage had already been done.
Sometimes I forgive them.
Sometimes I resent them deeply.
Both feelings live in me.
In university, I tried to be normal. I joined sickle cell advocacy groups, volunteered with awareness organizations, spoke at events, encouraged parents to test their genotype. People call me strong. They call me a warrior.
What they don’t see is me crying alone at night after another silent pain episode.
They don’t see the fear that comes with planning a future in a body that doesn’t always cooperate.
And Relationships?
That’s another wound.
I’ve been loved… briefly.
The moment conversations turn serious about marriage, children, commitment….they leave. Some are honest. Some ghost me. Some promise forever and disappear quietly.
One man once said he would do anything for me. He talked about taking me abroad, better care, a life without fear. I believed him. For the first time, my heart rested.
Then one day, he stopped calling.
That heartbreak triggered one of the worst crises I’ve had as an adult. Not because of physical stress but because hope collapsed.
Now I’m older. The pain episodes come differently. Less dramatic, but more exhausting. My body recovers slower. My fears are heavier. I ask myself questions my parents never asked each other.
I am strong, yes.
But I am tired.
If you are AS and the person you love is AS, please love your unborn children enough to stop and think. Faith is not a license to ignore knowledge. I am a proof to that
I didn’t ask to be a lesson.
But if my life can prevent another child from being born into avoidable pain, then my voice matters.
That’s why I’m writing this to you. Because people listens to you and this story needs to be heard. I hope that your audience share this till it reaches those who are about to walk by faith and not by sight, Sickle Cell is real!.
Adeyinka, keep rescuing lives, I love how you raise awareness and say the truth unapologetically, those who do not like you are probably those who wish they could be you. Have you met you?. Oh,I see you Queen Ade💪🏻
If I ever get buried and the bugs are eating me, I expect that when they reach my stomach, they will meet resistance.
The butterflies I grew when we first spoke will still defend their home. I imagine the worms baffled, outnumbered by wings made of memory.