🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹

i will be SO kind to you

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

THE PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS ARE GOING TO WIN THE NBA CHAMPIONSHIP

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

@reallysammi Please! Danielfett3 is me on there!

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

@reallysammi Killin it!

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

Words will never again hurt me after how hard I just got roasted by a client for saying "alright, this is Creep by Coldplay"

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

Been gone for a while, did I miss anything

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

@trillwavepat oh my

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

So how you guys getting your eggs out of the carton? I'm a big right-to-left columns guy

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

Thank you to the drunk stranger who told us "I love that for you" in regards to getting married, we also love it for us

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

Death, taxes, buying a new roll of packing tape because you thought you were out but it turns out the roll you had was just in an odd location

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

@TeressaOlsen 🤙

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

@reallysammi what about something like "the only laws I respect are my in-laws"

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

@TeressaOlsen I gotta practice somewhere

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

a standup set where I only describe tiktoks I thought were funny

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

I believe in improvisational predestination. Whether you like improv comedy or not is outside of your control, and is a reflection of the mercy of the Upright Citizens Brigade.

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

starting a section in my journal of which friends know which memes so I know when I need to send someone three other videos before I send the one I really want to show them

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

pets are the new kids

plants are the new pets

thus, unless a fourth entity is introduced into this closed system

kids are the new plants

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

man, Ford Truck Month™ REALLY snuck up on me this year! grateful to have the time to spend with friends, family, and Jim Farley, CEO of Ford Motor Company, the real reason for the season 🤗

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

Your 20s are all about realizing how essential subtitles are

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

just kind of confused as to how

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

oh you're a mountain goats fan? How many likes have your TikTok dances to the final verse of no children gotten?

[🍦 Daniel Fetters 🌹 @D_Phizz]

@johnmarsz12 @kaitlynceline you're the telescope right? I KNEW I recognized it