Mad Dog 👑♠

My hobbies include sleeping 15 hours a day and forcing my cat to love me

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

Every time I fill up, I whisper to my car she's a thirsty whore

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

#singlelife be like... 😹😹😹

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

I never thought I had daddy issues buttt... I got a dad kink

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

When it comes to being friends with couples, I'm the best friend and wingman

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

I only get money out of my savings for important things like cute underwear and chocolate

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

Definitely one of the most awkward dates I've been one ✔😂

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

I was running late for the movie but I low key had to sit and watch for a minute 😹😼

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

Why tf did I pull up to the movies and see one of my customers hardcore making out with her girlfriend 😂😂

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

I don't have an attitude until someone asks why I have one then I'm like okay bet

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

If you're coming in right before close I probably don't like you, don't make it worse by playing your shitty music out loud 😑😑😑

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

The urge to relapse lasts 90 seconds
A cigarette takes 6 mins to smoke
Thoughts, they never stop

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

But like my wifey and I can also have a fwb on the side

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

I want the fall in love with you best friend type shit...

[out of context things @TheComedyHumor]

Getting called "ugly" won't hurt your feelings if you already know you're ugly.

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

Turn a bitch into a dyke 😎😻

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

@RockDatAaaBoo06 it's a song

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

Fat hoes have the warmest pussies 😎

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

My fat ass tummy just saved my life 😂😇

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

Exercise wouldn't hurt

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

And probably lay off the sugars

[Mad Dog 👑♠ @DaddiesDefect]

I really need to stop drinking pop every day