Unhinged Father

Just the out of pocket thoughts of a twenty to thirty something new father.

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

Maths teachers in the army be like: drop and give you twenty what? Elephants?

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

One of the hardest parts about growing up is not being able to participate in capers and hijinks as often

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

It's 2am and I just woke up from a dream where I went and got a haircut with @ThermCantRead. Felt like an important formative moment in my life.

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

Any age is a 'Formative Age' if you get traumatised enough

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

I'm a two squirt guy. Or a two pump guy, if you prefer. Anything more or less is either too much or too little hand soap.

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

Last time I flew RyanAir I asked if there was an in-flight meal and the stewardess spat in my mouth

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

Today I thought to myself. A broken nose might look good. I realise now looking in the mirror.....

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

Be honest with me chat, would shoot me point blank in the face with a .308 rifle 🥺👉👈

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

Banned from the groupchat again for saying 'shnorp it down you my brotha' too much

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

If dogs could climb trees squirrels would be fucked

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

@theghostinside do you have time to say hi to me and my pal after the gig in Birmingham next Monday chaps?

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

Where's the fire wee man?

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

@theghostinside Pu(p)nk Rock

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

If I was a wizard I would cast some heinous shit. Tungsten balls acknowledge type shit

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

My new friend Matt that's giving me a lift to paintball today just made the outrageous claim that he has "been to most motorway service stations" fucking lunatic claim

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

All our Gods have abandoned us

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

Swear down, I was at a traffic light and the car in front of me used its screenwash but the cleaning nipples were so misaligned it shot the shit right over the cars roof and spaffed onto MY windscreen. This must be what porn cameramen feel like.

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

Saw a van for a business called 'Beds Are Uzzz' haha! Zzz like asleep haha! Like you do in a bed haha! Sleepy haha!

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

I'll never forget the Christmas I found out Santa wasn't real, and by proxy discovered it had been my father shitting down the chimney every year.

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

Ignore my piss please

[Unhinged Father @DaddyDaytripper]

Powerful political statements being made in the McDonalds toilets.