When you're a parent, the goal is no longer to look cool so much as it is to not be judged by your neighbors.
10yo *going into the back yard with his pajamas on*: I don't care...
Me: I realize you don't care about what the neighbors think, but CPS does.
#kids#dadlife
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7yo: I wanna play a game with everybody.
Me: Ok, let's play hide and seek. We'll hide and (13yo) will be the seeker...but don't tell him...
I've been "hiding" on the couch where I was before for 15 minutes now and 7 is having the time of her life.
#parentinghacks
Reasons 5yo is having a bad day already: something in her lunchbox was upside down, the watermelon has too much water, and although her next birthday is only 14 days away, her next next birthday will be 366 days after that.
8yo: You can't pinch me, I'm wearing green.
Me: I can't pinch you because it's St. Patrick's day, but I can for other reasons. *Pinch 8yo*
8: Ow, why did you do that?
Me: Are you dreaming?
#StPatricksDay2023#kids
Me: I'll set a timer for an hour, and then it will be your turn.
5yo: No, I don't want to wait 100,000...million...
Me: Ok, what about 60 minutes?
5: Yeah, that's better.
Me: Alexa, start a timer for 60 minutes.
Alexa: 1 hour, starting now...
Me: *to 7yo* you can't say you win everytime you win and that she (4yo) cheats evertime she wins...
4yo: I LOVE TO CHEAT!
Well, that backfired.
#kids#toddlers#parenting
Went with 7yo to school PTA fair and brought back various junk as "prizes."
Wife: I'd rather just give them $20 or set $20 on fire, then to have a bunch of crap we don't need...
#kids#parenting
Scolding a toddler is a lot like the reverse of a pep talk you would give to an MMA fighter: "No, do not hit him! Stop trying to knock him out! Get that death stare out of your eyes! Please do not try to kill him!"
#Toddler#dadlife