Stuff My Wife Says

I started this Twitter handle to share the funny, crazy and sometimes questionable things my dear wife says to our child.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Let's get married and have kids so instead of joining in on the hottest new Netflix show we can delete 100 Paw Patrol episodes from our DVR.

[Stuff My Wife Says @DadOfAToddler]

After falling off the chair and hitting his back.. "It's a Ride or Die life son. It's hard out there for a gangster". #OGMom

[Stuff My Wife Says @DadOfAToddler]

If you don't stop right now, I'm calling Santa and telling him to come pick up all your presents. I don't care if it's Christmas or not.

[Stuff My Wife Says @DadOfAToddler]

*my son half-heartedly crying about something totally ridiculous* If you were a breakfast meat, you'd be facon... #seriously #shewentthere

[Stuff My Wife Says @DadOfAToddler]

Mommy's not a monster, she's never smacked you! #momlife #keepingitreal

[Stuff My Wife Says @DadOfAToddler]

If you don't stop, I'm going to decapitate your baby doll and throw it's head in the trash!. #SheMeant #HesKindOfAnAss #WeStillLoveHim

[Stuff My Wife Says @DadOfAToddler]

Why are you crying? Gangsters don't cry! #StruffMyWifeSaysToOurKid #HeWas2