The Daily Squat

Fake news, but funny. Absurd headlines for absurd times. Satire fresher than a Waffle House biscuit.

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Trump: “I’m not a dictator. I’ll hold free elections again when everyone bows to me.”
The satire writes itself, so I did.
👉 https://t.co/TYFCK8CRTw

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@SenJohnKennedy @RapidResponse47

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@LauraLoomer @TIME Hey he's finally covering his neck-jina. Really, I'm surprised he's never been charged with indecent exposure with that thing flapping in the breeze.

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@DAGToddBlanche Aren't you the guy that got caught with a Yorkie and baby oil?

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@tedcruz Was . . . was that permanent? No? Just paint, you say?

Asshat.

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@GrantCardone Come on, we all know it'll be the Epstein Ballroom

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@SecDuffy @USDOT California sends more than that to the Fed anyway. They can just, y'know, withhold that and use it in state.

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@HarmeetKDhillon So . . . when are you going to start enforcing the Constitution? After Cheeto Caligula burns it down?

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@SenFettermanPA You choose to cave. You choose the easy route over standing up against devastating cuts to health care. You choose to lose reelection.

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@StephenM Most of them are guilty of a misdemeanor. Your boss is more of a criminal.

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@DonaldJTrumpJr Aren't you supposed to be getting your costume ready for trick or treat?

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@SenatorTimScott

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@Chicago1Ray Rubio is scared of his shadow. I have proof.

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@realspitfire You mean the illegal renovations that are destroying a historic sight while bypassing the process to get the approval? The renovations that are supposed to lead to the construction of the Epstein Ballroom?

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@GuntherEagleman I don't think he's coming hard without those little pills

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@SpencerHakimian Funny? No.

Hilarious? Absolutely!

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@libsoftiktok

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@RealJamesWoods Don't you have a denture cream commercial to film?

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@RonFilipkowski

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@MAGAVoice I mean, of course you do: you're an idiot.

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@StephenM You mean the ICE-stapo?