Dana Ives

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[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

when I had my wisdom teeth pulled but I wanted to go out with friends

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

moms love to end the phone call with “mmbye”

[Road Dog Karl @HammerFist3]

Imagine me & you on a first date & i wheel in one of these & pop on Osmosis Jones

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

nothing gets me going like the mere anticipation of Costco samples

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

I just sent a client an 153 word text explaining what needed to be sent to the office for her appointment and she responded “K”

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

*woman the tweet is ruined

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

another day another old women facetiously telling me I look 15

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

chose the piña colada flavor at the dentist just to feel something

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

thought I heard voices but it was just my stomach after eating dairy

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

the sample guy at Costco told me the protein shakes aren’t for little kids I might go chug all of the samples just to spite him

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

wearing my overalls I cannot be bothered

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

the feminine urge to explain yourself when accidentally clicking the answer that you wouldn’t have chosen on an poll question in someone’s Instagram story because they placed it directly where you naturally click next

[Flavortown @flavortown]

Six more weeks of flavor

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

breaking news: there exists a docuseries about tiny animals in nature narrated Paul Rudd

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

happy friday go moisturize

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

Me:
My mind hyper-analytic mind at 3am : “u up?”

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

I’m excited for snowy time come fight me I dare you

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

wringing out my washcloth till it looks dry I can’t let anybody know I’m weak

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

is he hot or is he just another older unavailable man

[Dana Ives @DanaIves]

“looks are really cool and so is hair but you’ll get to a point in life where your personality will carry you” - guy from the bar