Dana Scanlon

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

The algorithm should know I already bought the new goddamn fucking shoes

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

The only thing AI should be used for is to replace child actors. And im not saying we still can’t let a few of these things grow up to be successful adults

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

@FreddyD32 him*self

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

@thatbilloakley @Joshstrangehill The best. Now head down to the South Shore and get some bar pizza

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

@FreddyD32

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

USC has canceled graduation

USC has canceled the 2025 school year

USC has moved to a farm upstate

[KTLA @KTLA]

USC has canceled all commencement speakers for this year’s graduation ceremony amid controversy surrounding the revocation of the university's valedictorian speech.
https://t.co/y3XHuDURef

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

Sir, another monkey died.
Was it a terminally ill monkey?
Um, yes, sir.
Excellent

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

Thankfully, my car loan financier company out of West Covina is not the same Wagner Group

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

HBO should quit while it’s ahead

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

I’m thinkin’ about my DoorDash
When ya gonna bring it, when ya gonna bring it?

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

I’m sorry I usually don’t like to criticize the woke mob but these NBA announcers being forced to call steals ‘borrows’ this season is a little much

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

@sciam WEAR YOUR MASKS, PEOPLE

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

@spdamon24 Agree. 18% gratuity should be included

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

Sucks there isn’t a space on my hospital bill where I can leave a tip

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

My wife just gave birth to our second child but because of Covid I have to ask the nurse to get me Fig Newtons from the snack room

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

@LindseyThiry Skin to bling

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

Good my kid hasn’t been the same since

[The New York Times @nytimes]

The pastor of a Catholic church in Phoenix incorrectly performed thousands of baptisms over more than 20 years by changing one word in the ritual, a church investigation found.

“I deeply regret my error,” said the pastor, who has resigned. https://t.co/gJOy81t4qH

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

Same energy

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

@RadioFreeTom Probably not I don’t own the rights

[Dana Scanlon @DanaScanlon]

Fuck the cointoss NFL overtime should start with a jump ball at midfield