Crystal Allessio

my kids say funny things. sometimes I’m smart enough to document and share.

[ver. @cryeyesviolet_]

this is how dramatic i am while singing the smallest man who ever lived bridge

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

the fact that we’re getting a taylor swift song called “I can fix him (no really I can)” is genuinely problematic for me as a woman who has never met a misfit toy of a man I didn’t think deserved a forever home with me

[Crystal Allessio @DanceCrystal]

How are we going to handle so many of us relating The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived? Will there be some sort of hunger games or pageant to determine the winner? Asking for a friend.
#TTPD #TaylorSwift @taylorswift13 #thesmallestmanwhoeverlived

[Crystal Allessio @DanceCrystal]

#mmselfie

[Crystal Allessio @DanceCrystal]

Watching the news with Quin last night and they were talking about a military conflict.
Q: Why can’t we have peace? Just play rock, paper, scissors and call it a day.
#stuffmykidsays #itsnotthateasy

[Crystal Allessio @DanceCrystal]

Quin out of the blue: What is it called Bigfoot if he has two feet. Shouldn’t it be Bigfeet? #stuffmykidssay

[Crystal Allessio @DanceCrystal]

Quin: Mom, you don’t understand what it’s like being a kid.
Me: Quin, you might not know this, but I was a kid once.
Quin: Mom, that was 35 years ago.

[Crystal Allessio @DanceCrystal]

Quin: I’m going to hold your hand because I’m going to stay with you forever. Me: What about when you are 18? Quin: Yup, stay with you. Me: What about when you are 30? Quin: Still stay with you, but you might be dead then. #stuffmykidssay #thatwasdark

[Courtney Parchman @cornydawgy]

Can Zillow do a black Friday sale

[FLETCHER @findingfletcher]

she wanted it comfortable i wanted that pain

[Crystal Allessio @DanceCrystal]

I saw @findingfletcher Thursday night and I’ve been knee deep in @taylorswift13 Midnights for three days straight. I’m not sure my therapist is ready for what’s coming tomorrow. #Midnights #itsfineimfine #AntiHero

[Crystal Allessio @DanceCrystal]

Me: Quin, stop making waves in the tub. You’re not a whale.
Quin: When I get my own house I’m going to make huge waves.
Me: When you get your own house you can do whatever you want.
Quin: You think I can ride upside down in an airplane with no support? I don’t think so Crystal.

[Crystal Allessio @DanceCrystal]

Quin: Can I have another taco?
Me: You have half a taco in front of you right now. What’s wrong with that one?
Quin: It’s a bad taco.
Me: Why is it a bad taco?
Quin: (without missing a beat) It robbed a bank. #thingsmykidsays #6yearsold #tacotuesday

[ً jannah @latenightkyoto]

not letting my grandma out until harry sings grapejuice

[s*d @06fordexplorer]

yeah taylor swift is the most guilty of privately flying everywhere but did the planet write death by a thousand cuts

[Crystal Allessio @DanceCrystal]

I cleaned for 9 hours today and I found 1,476,726 bobby pins.

[Dan Rather @DanRather]

The cowardice of all who knew and remained silent…

[Dan Rather @DanRather]

If it takes 50 votes to confirm a Supreme Court justice, it should only take 50 votes to overrule them when they act like highly-partisan politicians.

[Arianna Huffington @ariannahuff]

So, to sum up the Supreme Court’s week: life begins at conception and ends in a mass shooting.

[E. Jean Carroll @ejeancarroll]

The man who stacked the court and made killing Roe v. Wade possible has been credibly accused of sexual assault, sexual misconduct, and rape by 15 women.