☆ ☆ ☆

nothin'... PERSONNEL, kid

[kid gruesome @smeagolsfree]

Still can't believe that the President endangers national security using the same website I use to make poop jokes

[Ash (an female) ⚪️ @adult_mom]

I always keep my cool when using self-checkout machines because I want them to vouch for me as an ally during the robot uprising

[andrew @AndrewChamings]

[shark tank]
me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
shark 1: i'm out
shark 2: i'm out
hammerhead shark: i'm listening

[andrew @AndrewChamings]

[trying to climb out of beanbag chair] Divorce?

[andrew @AndrewChamings]

You (dumb blue collar type): have you been rotating your tires?

Me (smart man of the world): yes my man, that's how the car moves

[Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit]

[watching The Silence of the Lambs]

Me: Hear that?

Her: No

Me [trying to impress her, leaning in close]: That’s the lambs

[amai @amaiedas]

@darthjder by the sounds of this tweet u are the opposite of who u claim u are

[☆ ☆ ☆ @darthjder]

@amaiedas 🍆ill take you to flavortown ;))))) 🍆

[//// @yungkobayashi]

@matsuri_usagi @amaiedas

[☆ ☆ ☆ @darthjder]

then i said "im gonna take you to flavortown" and he got so mad. im a professional boner killer

[☆ ☆ ☆ @darthjder]

my friend was bein rlly thirsty so i asked if he'd fuck guy fieri n he was like "ok no i dont care if its his bday he can find somone else"

[☆ ☆ ☆ @darthjder]

@amaiedas i dont know what im doing

[☆ ☆ ☆ @darthjder]

@amaiedas yes it me

[☆ ☆ ☆ @darthjder]

whenever i get an email abt someone following me on here im just. why

[☆ ☆ ☆ @darthjder]

i am much too quiet for this social media platform

[☆ ☆ ☆ @darthjder]

ME
https://t.co/5HMAemcGc8

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Man With No Real-Life Career Goals Knows Exact Job He’d Want In Harry Potter Universe http://t.co/AoMAQ9vVi5

[Alex Hirsch @_AlexHirsch]

Whisker Pines from the good people at @Cat_Cosplay #MeowsteryShack

[☆ ☆ ☆ @darthjder]

@ianjq how do you feel about http://t.co/vPiaJN8udG

[☆ ☆ ☆ @darthjder]

!!!!! >:0 https://t.co/lVleWZ3ie0

[Gravity Falls Wiki @GravityWiki]

1 DAY TO GO BEFORE "A TALE OF TWO STANS"!!!