Jesse Schneider

Attempted snark and wit, for all your sarcasm needs

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

@CuttlefishKate I’m getting real tired of this waking Black Mirror episode

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

@crossbowclup COME ON AND SLAMMMMMMMMMM

[LeBron James @KingJames]

Mark those 📆 right now!! This is going to be EPIC in the making! 7•16•2021 💡 🎥 🎬!!!

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

@JaxKeenan @haleydolton A clear pseudonym. We’re on to you, Sharky

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

@haleydolton @JaxKeenan Probably both

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

No word yet as to whether or not the FBI received assistance from the Batman in apprehending discount Penguin cosplayer Roger Stone. We go live now to Commissioner Gordon for comment.

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

For anyone in need of a quick update on the current state of the US govt, this about sums it up

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

Post Thanksgiving dinner activities have thus far consisted of young cousins Fortnight dancing like their lives depend on if and I have never felt older in my life...

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

@charmarshall3 @Chiara_Frati Okay so we do camera helmets AND camera shoes, done deal

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

IF YOU’RE 18 OR OVER AND YOU HAVE TIME TO DRESS UP FOR HALLOWEEN, YOU HAVE TIME TO VOTE.

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

GIVE ME YOUR TEARS OHIO ST.

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

Friendly reminder that tomorrow (Oct 9) is the LAST day to register to vote in PA before the Nov 6 election. Get registered and go vote!

[Mr Fjord @ford_mrfjord]

Turns out Lord Vader’s not so scary when his theme tune’s played by a 9-year-old novice trombonist @starwars @jamesearljones @HamillHimself @edgarwright @empiremagazine @totalfilm @BrewCinema

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Yes yes

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

@emilypaps @crossbowclup

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

@crossbowclup @emilypaps Hold the goddamn phone

[Netflix Geeked @NetflixGeeked]

AND I can confirm that the original creators, Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko, will be back to take on the live action. THIS IS WHAT WE’VE BEEN TRAINING FOR ALL THESE YEARS.

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

@crossbowclup I for one look forward to Geralt and the basilisk peacefully resolving their differences after realising both their mothers are named Martha

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

That’s a niiice boulder...
https://t.co/dTfzX4Afob

[Jesse Schneider @DasSchneids]

Captain’ Log Entry 532: The natives seem perplexed at the arrival of the lanky, profusely sweating American lugging a backpack the size of a large child