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If you don't expect too much, you wont be disappointed, love Man City, Greece And afternoon naps . Royal Artillery in another life 👂👎

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@BBCBreakfast GPs worried about frail over 60s , and here i am working till im 67 .

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@Sam_DH_MCFC Probably not , but whoever put it out early will be out of a job.

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Maguire going down like a small sherry at every corner #MUNBRE

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@rockaper @Posted_to_BAOR Some ran over my respirator with a stalwart , result , no windows , i had to slow myself down on that assault course and let everyone catch up.

[🇨🇭🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿InLucysHead🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇨🇭© @InsideLucysHead]

A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out.

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that the beheading be televised so that even when she was dead, her face was still on TV.

The British SAS soldier asked to be kicked three times in the arse hard.

As the SAS soldiers' request was unusual, ISIS decided to carry out the request first.

As the first kick landed, the SAS soldier pulled a hidden 9mm Glock pistol out of his smock and shot three terrorists dead.

He then grabbed one of the fallen terrorists' AK-47s and shot the rest of the terrorists.

The other two prisoners were amazed and asked why he requested to be kicked three times before he drew his weapon.

"Because", said the soldier ", when we get back to the UK, I don't want you pair of woke wankered, politically correct clowns saying it was an 'unprovoked attack'

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@thegingerwig Utd players obvs been taking the the piss all season , our makeshift defence , Ake sadly and Rico not up to it , fell for the break every time , City havent broke against any team since Kevs legs went.

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@dme_363 Dont recall Drogba going down like a small sherry every five minutes.

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@itvnews Who would want to travel across europe to spend hours living on a trolley , in a corridor in the uk ?

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@BROKENBRITAIN0 Tanks on Salisbury plain today .

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@PoppyLegion Thank you

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@tribesbhoy Is it cos he hasn't done wherever I lay my hat

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@SatNavJames @thegingerwig Coventry fans went in the Maine Road main stand for a fight in the 90s , swinging at old fellas , scum.

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@AmorimEra_ You should be grateful the government DIDN'T "step in " during the rotten meat era !

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@itvnews

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Ten minute tribute about a player that couldn't be arsed #BBCBreakfast

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@Jenny_1884 Its going to be fine, in 20 years , if you don't have drive to park on, your on the bus anyway.

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@owainroderick1 He's a bit like Mahrez, enjoys beating defenders a bit too much instead of getting a pass off.

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@derekdexy @DalaiPalmerMCR True,Gundo to late,Walkers get out of jail pace has gone, now he just f**ks up , no settled defence either, injury come backs injured again ,back too soon , as a result haaland looks like prime wanchop, the sack Pep cult probably need to google thd last bit.

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Another example of labour getting 5 years in the limelight, having the time of their lives, kicking everyone in the teeth without a care in the world. #WASPI