David Cameron

Great grandson of William IV, married into one of the richest families in the country, and went to Eton and Oxford. I'm jolly well middle class, don't you know.

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

I don't recall seeing any muslims at Eton. Can't be *that* many, surely?

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

And another from Sam suggesting that there more than a few hundred muslims in the UK who might be offended. Really? That many?

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

Oh. Just had a text from Theresa informing me that only 29% of British people consider themselves religious on a YouGov poll.

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

I mean, it's not as if Britain's non-Christians will be that offended by my marginalising them like that, is it?

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

Gosh, such a hoo-haa over this whole Christian thing. You'd have thought that I'd said 'white' instead of 'Christian' in that speech.

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

I really ought to let Clegg deal with Europe. If only he'd talk to me instead of passing messages via Eric Pickles. Such a sulker.

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

I fully support Edwina Curryhands when she says that there are no such things as poor people in Britain. I've never been to.school with any.

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

Therefore in my experience this is a Christian country full of people who are definitely not poor!

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

I don't know what all the fuss is. I don't remember anything but white, wealthy, Christian boys saying prayers at *my* schools!

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

Nick is still cross with me, but hey ho. It's not like he has an actual important job. Ask Prescott how 'important' being deputy pm is...

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

I think I might just have gotten away with the Eurooe thing. The great British public can be relied upon to be stupid and closed-minded.

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

I wonder how long I can keep peddling that painfully transparent 'in the national interest' line? Don't think anybody is buying it...

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

This kids party is actually soothing compared to the House earlier.

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

Right. no more tweets now, time to face the House...

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

Another answerphone message from Ed Milliband. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!"

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

One feels like one is wanting to "shit a brick" I believe the popular phrase goes.

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

King of Bahrain very angry at being made to sit and watch UK morning TV for the last hour. Clegg still not picking up phone.On way to House.

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

Can't deal with all this right now, got to get to the House. Forgot that I left the King of Bahrain downstairs earlier...

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

Might have to get the secret service boys in to get rid of these two and just blame the toaster incident on Gideon.

[David Cameron @DaveyCameron]

It's like being on Jeremy Kyle, but with actual violence, and in my kitchen. They've ruined about £2000 worth of Fortnum & Mason food.