Dave Johnson

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@nytimes Wish I had known this before I went to Seychelles on my honeymoon and came across this beast who nearly splintered my legs into thirds with 2 swift snaps of his jaw as I narrowly escaped. Sadly, he did get my wife who I had to leave there. Sometimes wonder what happened to her.

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@stoolpresidente Eli has always been way cooler.

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@ouellette4him @JoJoFromJerz I’d love to know the specifics of how it’s been clinically shown shown.

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@CineramaSave @FallonTonight @BenAffleck https://t.co/nfctng48Pk

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@JimmyRandazzo 166

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@TheMaineWonk Sandpeople always ride single file to hide their numbers.

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@EdwinDiazMuse Joey Butto

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@selenagchart Not another account using antisemitism for clicks... 🙄

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@bensmithlive My friends dad looked exactly like this until he had a heart attack at 67. Spent most of his life in the gym just to be outlived 25 years by guys who drink and smoke their whole lives. Being toned on the outside does not equal longevity.

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@jeremydgriffin @MikeFernholz @kellykeegs I don’t even have to click on this dudes profile to know what an absolute scrotum goblin he is. Saying there is better hospitality in Paris than anywhere in America is wildly idiotic at absolute best. Then he talks about architecture and says we have Niagara Falls. Yikes.

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@theschrom @oledoteth Nah. It’s I guess fine compared to other fast food chains (which are all absolute trash) but it’s inedible to people used to local food. This is a large part of why NY is so great—we have 900+ better burger places that no one has ever heard of.

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@KFCBarstool Not @rone blasting Ben Stiller for making generic/predictable movies and then releasing the most generic/predictable “diss” track of all time?

The amount of corny dudes salivating over that fights/feits line is absolutely insane.

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@griddr @Blind__Luck I hadn’t checked in a little bit but yes he purchased it for 5.925M and it’s now valued at 6.219M.

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@Thefrugalgay11 1.29 million

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@PalletFllipper Lays potato chips.

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@rrhoover @rohindhar Uhhm, I spent close to this on my 2800 square foot fixer upper in NY.

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@Daniel__McCarty Next time I’ll try an F35 missile though because I’m a big boss now and I need to be more efficient with my killing. Only so many hours in a day and I gotta get to posting them more often to gain that clout!

[Dave Johnson @DaveyMatts]

@Daniel__McCarty Others should listen to my advice now that I’ve shown them I’m a great leader.