Shinji’s near-total lack of self-worth turns even basic attention toward Asuka into emotional labor that feels draining and pointless to him.
Shinji does not experience himself as a person who has inherent value or anything worth offering. His self-image is built almost entirely around external utility (piloting, not disappointing people, avoiding further rejection). When Asuka demands to be seen—whether she’s performing a flashy pool dive and yelling “Watch this, Shinji!” or later mirroring the same need for recognition in the EVA—she is asking him to notice her, react, and affirm that she exists and matters. For someone whose internal model of himself is “I am worthless / unwanted / only tolerable when useful,” that request is exhausting on multiple levels:
1. Giving genuine attention requires believing that your gaze or reaction has weight. Shinji does not believe this. Any praise or focused notice he might give feels fraudulent to him, like he’s play-acting at being a person who can validate someone else. The effort of performing that response (or even just sustaining focus long enough to give a real reaction) costs more energy than it returns.
2. Asuka’s style of seeking attention is rarely soft. It comes packaged with competition, insults, and pressure. Engaging with it means opening himself to the exact feedback loop that already confirms his self-loathing (“of course she’s calling me an idiot / showing off at my expense”). Avoiding or half-assing the attention is his default self-protection; actually paying it forces him to sit inside that discomfort longer.
3. Attention is not neutral for him. It is tightly linked to expectation and potential abandonment. His father’s conditional regard trained him that being noticed usually precedes being used or discarded. Asuka’s constant “look at me / react to me” therefore registers less as connection and more as another demand he will inevitably fail, which is psychologically costly for someone already running on empty.
4. Because he is so absorbed in managing his own emptiness and dread, he has very little surplus bandwidth for other people’s emotional needs. Noticing Asuka properly would require stepping outside his defensive shell long enough to track her performance, her feelings underneath the bravado, and her desire for reciprocity. That is effortful when your baseline is dissociation and low-grade despair.
TL;DR Asuka is asking to be witnessed by someone who does not experience himself as a witness capable of giving anything real. The mismatch makes the simple act of “paying attention” feel like an uphill, high-stakes performance rather than a natural interpersonal exchange. That is why scenes of her seeking his notice so often end with him looking blank, overwhelmed, or minimally responsive—he is not merely uninterested; the internal cost of meeting her need exceeds what his depleted sense of self can sustain
Using licensed foreign music as the OP/ED to an anime is obviously nothing new. Even the director of the Green Yuri anime himself directed the OP for Speed Grapher 2 decades ago, which used a song by Duran Duran.
Haven't felt like finishing things lately. Here's an unfinished overpaint of a 3D render
Cruiser and escorting vessels belonging to Stolkis 3rd Armada in an engagement on the frontlines of sector 5
(Nebulous Fleet Command's visuals inspired the visuals for my naval engagements)
For no reason in particular, I want to remind everyone that physical media in any form is a great way to preserve and maintain access to the stories, characters, and experiences you love.