David Usselman

appreciated in my time

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

The problem with "kill 'em with kindness" is that the stated intent is still to "kill 'em"

From now on, just say "with kindness"

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

The most 2021 thing of all time is someone asking a question, the person being asked saying 'good question' and the asker saying 'thank you 😌' before the question is answered

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

Don't just say "get out and vote;" say "get out and fucking vote," so that everyone knows you vote but you're also cool. #CanadaElection2021

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

bathroom drawer smell is underrated.

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

if there is an upside to people not brushing the snow off of their rear window, it's that we don't have to look at the backs of their stupid, stupid heads

[Andrew Yang🧢⬆️🇺🇸 @AndrewYang]

If 68 million people do something it’s vital that we understand it.

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

it's a 'shower without the bathroom lights on' kind of afternoon. Keep spicing it up out there

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

@Carly_Thomas totally. One of those words that you can't help but hear people salivate as they say it... 🤢

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

what's the grossest word to hear someone say out loud?

I'll start: buttermilk

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

@cooms24 *head not hand, fuck

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

@cooms24 I then emerge from behind a flipped desk with a gun to David Greco's hand. 'Drop it,' I say. You do. I pull the trigger because fuck David Greco. You squeal and Chris embraces you upon his soft bosom. Shawna enters and delivers a meaty bear paw to my face. Justice is served

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

@cooms24 You sir are at a fork in the road, you are both the prime candidate for the mayor of seeyasville and also enroute for a curbin'. Better take your pick because m'fists are balled up and I don't want to keep thhhpeople waitin

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

@sammorril Only right this instant, Sam

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

@cooms24 yyyyys'custing. y'are. yyy'buhhnut with eyes.

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

people who pick up a cucumber at the grocery store and flip it around in their hands like it's their little ninja baton are sOo CoOool lmao

It's me btw, I do that and I am cool 🥒

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

imagine having a deeply tanned groin/thigh/buttocks area.

What a tale that must certainly be.

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

@KylePlantEmoji Seriously though Kyle, try being more humble and being an NPC in your life, like me. Being the main character is so narsississs... mississip... selfish

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

officially over 2020 😤 today some woman told me that I shouldn't top off the tank with the engine running, like ok karen lmao

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

@shanemsteward Don't be curt with me

Heh

[David Usselman @DavidUsselman]

am I ugly? Asking for a friend.