Davis Trace

I'm just a heretic that hasn't been burned at the stake yet.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

I have a Masters degree, yet I just realized I can't remember the alphabet past "T". Go #Jackets! #MoneyWellSpent

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

According to a new study, the cost of raising a child for 17 years is equivalent to that of a new #Ferrari. I'll take my 2.5 in red.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

There is a new dating website for people over 50 called OurTime. A more honest name would have been OutOfTime.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

Michael Bay is producing a reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to be released in 2013. I hope the Mayans had their dates right.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

Courtney Love says the new Muppets movie "raped Kurt's memory" by using Smells Like Teen Spirit. At least they didn't kill him.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

McDonald's is advertising their Shamrock Shake. I didn't know they served Jameson's.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

The best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on Netflix? Yes. #ForMeToPoopOn

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

If this doesn't blow my mind all over the wall, I demand my 50 cents back. #RidYourBrainOfCloud

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

Lady Gaga has been helping as a hostess at her father's new restaurant. No word on whether she will wear this evening's specials.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

Stabbing yourself in the hand with a fork will not get you a free appetizer at that restaurant, but it will get you a tetanus booster.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

Just got an email, all in Spanish, from PDVSA. About time Hugo Chavez was ready to make a deal. #MeAndSeanPenn

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

Just heard "Rape Me" on #Project961. Cheers to a radio station for showing that they actually have a pair. #EvenThoughTheNextSongSucked

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

I know I'm enjoying the simple pleasures in life when playing the word "rectal" in #WordsWithFriends brings a smile to my face.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

Turned on the radio during Rush Limbaugh. Only made it 10 seconds before I felt compelled to scream obscenities at inanimate objects.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

Just spent the last 5 minutes trying to remember how to do long division. Those 5 years of college were invaluable. #GoJackets

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

I'm finished with the #FamilyFeud app. 100 people surveyed on things men obsess about, and no one said sex? Steve Harvey knows better.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

Every episode of #Californication should begin with Desperados Under the Eaves. #WhiskeyWeedandWarrenZevon

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

If #Pandora plays another of my favorite songs in a row, I'm going to assume I'm living in the Matrix. I hear the job security is great.

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

And when #Pandora follows up with the Stone's "Dead Flowers", you remember why "optimistic" is not a word used in my bio. #StillAGreatTune

[Davis Trace @DavisTrace]

When #Pandora starts with #Zevon's "Seminole Bingo", there is hope for the universe. #ExcitableBoyForever