Keep Reading You Got This

Taking life day by day

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

Went for a coffee with my cousin today, hadn’t seen him in a while.

Not gonna lie, sitting there sober and actually present just talking about life and everything that’s happened… it felt different.

We ended up talking about someone really close to us, a beautiful soul who isn’t here anymore because of addiction.

That one hit me.

Because I know damn well that could’ve been me.

So yeah, I’m doing this for myself… but also for him.

Drugs took a lot from me. People, real connections, time.

But moments like today make me feel like maybe I can slowly get some of that back.

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

I wish I could say I got this all figured out but I don’t.

I relapsed. Again.

I told my sponsor after, but I still sat in it way too long… stuck in my own head, scared as hell to go to treatment and actually face everything I’ve been running from.

Tonight I smoked just to calm down because my anxiety was through the roof… and now I’m sitting here feeling it all anyway.

And yeah, certain people still get to me more than they should. I let myself get hopeful, and it messes with my head more than I want to admit. This shit is exhausting. Part of me wants help and part of me just wants to disappear from it all.

I’m not okay right now but I’m trying not to hide it this time.

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

second meeting today. NA this morning, sitting in AA now

feel kinda fucked in my own head if I’m being honest
like am I doing too much? or is this just what it looks like when I actually try for once

just got accepted into treatment and now it’s all hitting me at once
doesn’t feel real but also feels way too real at the same time

part of me keeps saying I don’t need it, that I can figure it out on my own
same voice that got me here in the first place

I don’t even feel “good” sitting here
I just know if I wasn’t here I’d probably be somewhere I shouldn’t be

so yeah I came to another meeting
even tho my head is loud as shit
even tho part of me wants to dip

don’t know if this is growth or I’m just scared or both but I’m still here and that’s new for me

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

haven’t posted in 2 days and it’s not because i’m good it’s because my head’s been all over the place. went to toronto with my family, did normal shit like shopping, stayed in a hotel, tried to act like everything’s fine for a minute!

then today I went to visit a treatment facility at noon with my mom and sister and that shit honestly fucked with me

like i say i’m an addict, i know i am, but actually walking into a place where people are living it every day with no escape… it hits different. it’s not just words anymore

and what really got me is realizing it’s not just drugs with me

i’m hooked on anything that gets me out of my own head. my phone, scrolling, noise, anything so i don’t have to just sit there with myself

so hearing 50+ days no phone, no tech, nothing… that’s not just “oh that sucks” that actually scares me

like straight up what the fuck do i do with myself

and i hate that part because it makes me realize how much i rely on all this shit just to feel okay

but at the same time staying how i am right now isn’t working either and i know that.

so now i’m just stuck in this place where i know what i probably have to do but i’m scared as hell to actually do it

no nice ending, no motivation speech

just being honest

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

@IfYoureReadingX Much love brother 🫶🏼

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

Heading to Toronto with my mom to visit a treatment facility and I swear I haven’t felt anxiety like this in a long time.
My stomach’s in knots, got butterflies like crazy, mind won’t slow down. I’m scared… like actually scared. Not just of the place, but of what it means. Of having to face everything I’ve been running from. Of letting go of the only way I’ve known how to cope. But at the same time, I know deep down I can’t keep living like I was. That version of me was destroying everything around me, including myself. Sitting with all of that right now and it’s heavy.
Feels like I’m standing right on the edge of something that could either save me or break me… and I don’t really have the option to turn around anymore.

Just trying to breathe and take this one step at a time.

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

Today was a good day… and that’s hard for me to even say.

Not long ago I was in a really dark place. Head all over the place, everything feeling out of control. Today I called a rehab facility about admissions. My hands were shaking, I didn’t want to do it—but I did it anyway.

And then I just lived my day. No running. No numbing. No pretending.

Just me, facing it.

I’m still scared. Still not okay. But today I didn’t give up on myself and right now, that means everything.

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

I’ve still been posting, but the truth is the past couple days I’ve been overwhelmed in a way I don’t even really know how to explain.

A lot has been building up all at once. My head’s been all over the place, my emotions have been up and down, and I’ve been trying to hold it together while also being honest with myself about where I’m actually at.

I relapsed. That’s the truth. And actually sitting with that instead of running from it has been heavy.

At the same time, I’ve been talking with people close to me, my sponsor, and really looking at what I need to do if I actually want my life to change.

Right now, there’s a very real chance I’m going to rehab.

And I’m not gonna lie — I’m scared as hell.

Not just one thing either. It’s everything. The unknown, being away from everything familiar, not being in control, having to actually sit with myself without escaping.

The last couple days have been a mix of fear, stress, some really good moments with people who care about me, and a lot of thinking about the direction my life is going in.

I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t even fully know what to think right now.

But I do know I can’t keep going the way I have been.

So even though I’m scared, I’m not gonna hide from it this time.

Just taking it one step at a time and being real about where I’m at

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

Didn’t expect that last post to reach as many people as it did. Been sitting here reading messages, replies, people sharing their own stories… it actually means a lot.

Yeah, I relapsed. I’m not proud of it. I won’t try to spin it into something it’s not. It sucked, and I felt it.

But what hit me harder than that was the amount of support I got after. From people on here, from my sponsors, from people who didn’t have to show up but did anyway. That’s something I don’t take lightly.

Last night could’ve gone a completely different direction. Instead I sat down, talked, watched the game, and for a bit I felt normal again. That matters more than I can explain.

I’m not fixed. I’m not magically better today. But I’m here, I didn’t use today, and I’m trying again.

To everyone who reached out, checked in, or just took a second to read what I said, THANK YOU. Seriously.

If you’re going through it too, you’re not alone in this. I’m right here figuring it out one day at a time.

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

new day today.

not gonna pretend last night didn’t happen. I messed up and I’m owning that, but I’m also not letting it define me or send me backwards for good.

tonight I went out with my sponsor, had a good meal, watched the hockey game, and just sat there listening and being present. no chaos in my head, no urge to run, no feeling like I needed to escape everything for once.

and honestly that meant a lot more than I expected. it reminded me that I’m not a lost cause and that I actually can feel okay without using.

I’m chasing that feeling now. the simple, normal moments where my head is quiet and I can just exist.

so yeah, starting over again today. not perfectly, but for real this time.

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

I relapsed last night.

I don’t even really know what to say… I’m just tired, frustrated, and honestly kinda disappointed in myself.

I wanted to hide it and pretend it didn’t happen, but that’s exactly how I end up deeper in this.

This isn’t easy at all. Some days it feels like I’m fighting my own brain every second.

But I still want this. Even after last night, I still want to get clean for real.

So I’m here, being honest, starting over again. day 1.

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

@IfYoureReadingX Can’t thank you enough for being by my side! Don���t know what I would do without you brother🫶🏼

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

2 weeks sober today.

Didn’t think I’d make it this far honestly. I thought I’d be dead before I ever got here.

This isn’t easy at all. My head is all over the place and some days I still wanna use.

But I spoke in a meeting today and got it out instead of holding it in.

One day at a time I guess.

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

I’m not okay right now.

Recovery isn’t what I thought it would be. It’s not peaceful or easy! it’s loud, uncomfortable, and honestly feels worse than I expected. The cravings, the anxiety, the anger. it’s a lot.

There are moments where I miss the life I had when I was using, because at least I knew how to function in that chaos.

But I’m still here. I haven’t given in today. And that’s all I can promise right now.

If you’re going through it too, you’re not alone.

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

@LloydCh06965157 Really appreciate the support Francis! We got this! We are all in it together! Day by Day, Hour by hour!🫶🏼

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

Last few days have been heavy.

Been dealing with withdrawals, old situations popping back up, and just trying to keep my head above water. It’s not pretty, it’s not easy, and honestly some moments feel unbearable.

But I’m still here. Still fighting. Still choosing not to go back.

One day at a time right now

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

Been a little quiet lately. Just dealing with a lot behind the scenes.

Not easy, not fun, but I’m still here and still pushing.

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

It’s crazy how when you finally stop numbing everything, you start to feel everything.

Regret, loss, anxiety… all at once.

There’s a lot I wish I could undo—but I can’t.

All I can do right now is stay clean and not add more damage.

[Keep Reading You Got This @DaybyDayDev]

this doesn’t even feel like me

i’m exhausted but i can’t sleep
my mind won’t stop
it’s like i’m stuck with thoughts i can’t turn off

i feel like i’m crawling out of my own skin
like i need to run from something
but it’s literally just my own head

i didn’t realize how much i was numbing

this is so much harder than i thought

but i’m still here
and i haven’t used