Djsoapytitwank

John Smiths and cheese fan. I once had a paper cut on my bellend and passed out. Don't judge me.

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

I walked out of a club with a girl last night.
She slipped her hand down my trousers, squeezed my cock and said "Yours or mine?"
I said "That's mine".

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@compliantvc Nope.

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@russellquirk *billions

[Andy Burnham @andyburnham]

#GeneralElectionNow

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@DawnNeesom No.

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

Sweep comes out of retirement to apologise for what he called his on screen friend.

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

When it's sunny I think 'beer garden.'
When it rains I usually go to the pub for a while.
When it's snowing I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of beers.
I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather.

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@BritishBastardX 6%. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Berk @trapdoor456]

Who's gonna win the World Cup based on female supporters.....

Not Scotland... 😬😳🤣🤣

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

I've just stocked my fridge with beers for the World Cup, customised for each match.
I've got San Miguel for when Spain are playing because it's Spanish, Beck's for when Germany are playing because it's German and Carling for when Scotland are playing because it's shit!

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@RealDeanCain TBF you would be sore..

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@DreyfusJames And his mums wi-fi is working nicely..

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

An interesting Labour MP.
https://t.co/4rftqlWN3r

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@russellquirk A little girl asked her dad, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"
Her dad replied, "No, some begin with - If I am elected".

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@MENnewsdesk French?

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@FeargAgusFuath Ummm... no.

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@SkyNews @cathynewman Now trace where these messages come from. Because SKY did an investigation a few years ago with the football racist messages and most of it came from overseas.

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@Glinner I don't think so mate.

[Djsoapytitwank @DBJ1970]

@SamanthaNiblet4 If you expect someone to refer to you in a particular way when they are not about then that's just narcissism.