Deadbeat Monkey

Satirical writer, despiser of hypocrites with a respectable collection of lawn gnomes.

I also live in a doublewide trailer, so there's that.

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

People who log into Teams meetings five minutes early are why I have trust issues. 😐

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

At last night’s SOU, Donald Trump officially announced a "war" on fraud to be led by Vice President JD Vance.

What’s his next genius move? Sponsor a new bill against human sex trafficking and name it the Jeffrey Epstein Act 🤷‍♂️

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@Metallica hey guys, I promised my kid I'd share this with y'all. He's a huge fan. I may be a bit biased, but he's self taught and blew away a lot of people that night.

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@atensnut My God you're miserable skank

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@atensnut The amount of mental illness in these comments is staggering.

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

I agree. If there is a Government shutdown, it would make the President of the United States look like an incompetent, selfish, mushroomed dicked hamfisted moron.

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@deancain Thumbs up. Okay...
🖕🖕🖕

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@TRUMP_ARMY_ There's a lot of mental ill patients at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Let's start there

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@elonmusk Only Artificial Intelligence could do that for the president because God knows he doesn't possess the dexterity or cognitive function to do that all by his onsies.

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@KornPop2024 @JoJoFromJerz

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@JoJoFromJerz

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

Dentist: "Okay, after care directions here. NO alcohol for the next week"

Me: "WTF doc. You've just sentenced me to like 7 Mondays in a row. Who hurt you?"

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

Whenever I run into someone who introduces themselves as a doctor, I often ask, "So, when you say 'Doctor', do you mean, as in an actual doctor... or, like doctor as in an 'Oz' or a 'Phil''?

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@Damaan4u33 Not just no, but f**k no

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@SonofLiberty357 @FoxNews Dude, if being misinformed made people shitty, every MAGA hat would come with a biohazard label.

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@ThePatriotOasis Hire better actors

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@LibertyCappy I guess you'd then have to remove the accounts that celebrated Melissa Hortman's death too 🤷‍♂️

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@nicksortor So let me get this straight. Y’all spend years mocking Coldplay as “woke soy music” but now Chris Martin is your prophet because he said “send love.” You scream about cancel culture but cheer when your side uses grief as a political rally. That’s not faith. That’s hypocrisy.

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@CJGRISHAM Nothing says “peaceful vigil” like a dude in a MAGA hat clutching an AR-15. You’re not protecting freedom. You’re LARPing Dollar Store Rambo at a park. Veterans fought for liberty, not to cosplay as Cracker Barrel security.

[Deadbeat Monkey @DeadbeatM0nkey]

@atensnut