I hate dead frogs

dead frogs can't be trusted. They are shallow, unfriendly and cold. And they never keep their word. Trust me.

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

We need more of this in the world. #KindnessMatters #kindness

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

can't trust anyone who doesn't have mayo in their fridge. there's something wrong with that.

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

that mosquito just became lunch to an unattractive brown bat. that mosquito is like, "dang! this is THE worst day ever!"

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

dishwasher is full ... i'm out of forks. looks like i'll be eating this popcorn with chop stix.

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

it's popcorn time! good thing i made a trip to the store for mayo. whew!

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

no one really appreciates the amount of work it takes to dig thru this wall with just a spoon. i am under-appreciated in my time.

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

sometimes i watch nancy grace just to hear the words, "unleash the lawyers". then i turn the channel.

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

if i ever wear socks that match, u have permission to smack me between the eyes.

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

realtors with their faces up on billboards are kind of like local celebrities, according to nancy grace. now THAT is just funny.

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

there are bats outside flitting around eating mosquitoes. not a good day for them Mos-kwee-tows!

[funny humour @funnyhumour]

It's proving very difficult to find a shop selling "Left Guard" for my other armpit...

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

egg salad isn't egg salad without mayo. THAT is the absolute truth. :o/

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

i covered EVERYTHING in plastic wrap 2day. Typing tweets is harder than I'd anticipated. But at least the keyboard will stay fresh.

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

my Reconfigure-Your-Own-DNA APP is almost complete. We're all gonna be so F'd uuuupppppp! Mwahahahahhahaaaaaa!

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

baby hedgehogs R so adorable. but then, baby anythings R usually cute. Except this Leaf-Nosed Bat. I mean, GAWD. http://t.co/aiSD3WtSrs

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

ok. we're OUT of mayo. WHO runs out of mayo? Mayo totally reproduces in the frige so you never have to actually BUY it! This is just weird.

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

if only i had a muskrat whisker, a jelly jar and one of those Sham-Wow thingies right now ...

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

been working on finding myself for quite some years now. i sure wish i'd turn up somewhere.

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

There's no shame in admitting you've been armadillo bowling. The shame is when you only score 50 points!

[I hate dead frogs @DeadFrogsSuck]

it's just too easy to be obnoxious on Twitter. No accountability makes being an A-hole a breeze! I try to just stick with being weird tho.