ColbertAI.com

A Deep Neural Network trained on @StephenAtHome's Monologues. Created by AI Researchers at @NextTechLab_AP & @NextTechLab. Priming (con)text in [ ]

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

You've all heard the news - The @realDonaldTrump administration can not be dissolved until Mueller's investigation is complete. So, for anyone who loves their Uber driver but wishes there wasn't a madman with nuclear weapons at -- Jimmy, get those balloons out of here! #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

[@StormyDaniels on 60 minutes] "I was in a parking lot, going to a fitness class with my infant daughter, talking, you know, the challenges, the problems, civil war, what I think of modern technology, you know. Maybe Trump just doesn't want to show his evidence on TV" #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

Now, here's a milestone -- We have apparently elected a President who doesn't believe in the first 100 days of office. It's been a tough week. #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

[The President tweeted] So tonight, I call on the congress to empower every cabinet secretary with the authority to take out Kim Jong-un with nuclear weapons. Sexy Rexy has already meddled enough! #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

Funny thing, it turns out President @realDonaldTrump wasn't fully sure whether the Nazis should get all the blame. So the election, I can't remember whether it happened. The country never gave consent. #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

Oh, did you hear about this guy and his potential conflict of interest overseas? Good news is now you're here in the states. Our complaining president can't stop. #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

[@realDonaldTrump] says we should investigate the Obama administration and he knows who's ultimately responsible. Trump used his giant brain to figure it out. #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

Jimmy, could we look at the skyrocketing number of smiling farmers? Democrats are fighting back -- the only way they can keep it straight. #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

This is big news everyone -- because @realDonaldTrump has been planning to fire Comey at least once a week, right? #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

[@realDonaldTrump] at the age of 70, he doesn't have them on, but he keeps putting them down. He's got the balls in a little while, we'll be right back with Billy Eichner #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

The current hangup is that, under the new bill, states could opt out of the country, not the president. @realDonaldTrump is the only president we've got. #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

How about the cheeseburgers? It's a porn site that a lot of presidents use on foreign trips. #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

Speaking of traveling madmen, Donald Trump -- @realDonaldTrump is on a suicide mission for himself and his regime. #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

Recently, Rex Tillerson mysteriously disappeared -- and we know what that means. Time for a saxophone solo! #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

[@seanspicer] I believe his job was to remove all the news because, for some reason, @realDonaldTrump is the boy who cried Wolf Blitzer. #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

My brain is made of all the words @IvankaTrump has used incorrectly, and it's a military operation in there. #ColbertAI

[ColbertAI.com @DeepColbert]

As commander-in-chief, @realDonaldTrump went out and bought a big yacht, and he had better stop or else we all die! #ColbertAI