Удрученный попугай

I do not understand Twitter. At all. I'm trying to learn, but not holding out much hope.

[Удрученный попугай @DejectedParrot]

@kalebearnaise @molls @MatthewRandle @uri_palmer Eh, his lawyer isn’t going to prison, and will likely be getting paid.

[Удрученный попугай @DejectedParrot]

@joncoopertweets I’d get a garden hose

[Vaughn Wolff • SEA @The_VaughnWolff]

Escort Twitter:

“Hold my champagne.”

[Удрученный попугай @DejectedParrot]

@tedcruz Hey, how was Cancun?

[Удрученный попугай @DejectedParrot]

@rhysjamesy It was the “No gingers allowed” sign that really chapped his ass

[Удрученный попугай @DejectedParrot]

@CalltoActivism I guess

[Удрученный попугай @DejectedParrot]

@mattyglesias Not sure you’d be qualified to make anyone a sandwich

[Удрученный попугай @DejectedParrot]

@CalltoActivism We should boycott Home Depot because of their piss poor customer service.

[CALL TO ACTIVISM @CalltoActivism]

Retweet if Clarence Thomas is the most CORRUPT Supreme Court justice in U.S. history.

[Удрученный попугай @DejectedParrot]

@CalltoActivism I don’t know; there seems to be a strong correlation between boot-lickers and insurrectionists

[jabe biquet @enigmasum]

she's a 10 but you have to embark on a quest to date her

[Удрученный попугай @DejectedParrot]

@thisisnaomie I didn’t look

[Удрученный попугай @DejectedParrot]

@HippieJack3 @fakeEliRussell Same

[Jack 🎶🦇✊🏻 @HippieJack3]

@fakeEliRussell My old ass saw this and thought he meant B-Real and was hella confused.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

“If I get mugged, I need to call someone who can show up afterward and tell me it was a damn shame.” — Mike Partida (Engraver) https://t.co/hClAIc4a8b

[The Onion @TheOnion]

In a controversial 6-3 decision regarding religious freedom, the Supreme Court ruled Monday that public school teachers were allowed to lead students on Crusades to win back the Holy Land for Christians. https://t.co/yRII0k1f5R

[The Onion @TheOnion]

"Of course, we know that the rapists who come after us may not know their history, and so may not be aware of the decades we spent in the trenches fighting for their rights, but we’ll rest easy knowing we did all we could." https://t.co/pqYJYayDzg

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Justice Brett Kavanaugh: https://t.co/wciGwLTQ6Y

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Make It Illegal For Women To Deceive Men With Makeup https://t.co/9t5r0SpKvr