Demi

17 live in leeds! love going out with friends and spending time with my gawjus boyfriend!

[Demi @Demiii]

Curiosity killed the cat, and got your daughter pregnant. http://t.co/701VP7rhSB

[Demi @Demiii]

http://t.co/n9nD2BW5Yz “When in doubt, puke up some clear, sticky fluid.” -Cats

[Demi @Demiii]

http://t.co/5FNzrEbLmL Why are there no apps for my pager?

[Demi @Demiii]

Anyone have a lot of unused pregnancy tests? Hate to see all this pee go to waste. http://t.co/nxQm0OJ2JH

[Demi @Demiii]

http://t.co/Bi5bZ45d9b fat girls with small boobs are the reason i have trust issues

[Demi @Demiii]

http://t.co/rxfGbAGBys I farted in a room of hipsters and watched them fight over who heard it first.

[Demi @Demiii]

http://t.co/BfhIiiZZMu Hmmph! I've been trapped at my desk at work plenty of times and no one ever comes to rescue me.

[Demi @Demiii]

"It's payback time, bitches!" - What I think every morning now that I wake my kids up. http://t.co/16VNAmze1s

[Demi @Demiii]

It's not Adam and Steve, it's Adam and [Cher autotune voice] beli-EVE *club goes crazy* http://t.co/wlonpQ4PZL

[Demi @Demiii]

What's up with all these dudes growing 70s porn mustaches? They tickle. http://t.co/RYwmf4O2Wx

[Demi @Demiii]

My sinuses are under so much pressure Vanilla Ice just ripped them off. http://t.co/ebRjvDdkP2

[Demi @Demiii]

http://t.co/U8fh7zRmyG Rubbing my ass on these documents because the boss's email says to "cheek his paperwork".

[Demi @Demiii]

http://t.co/ZXHpDI7sde If you have more than zero bumper stickers on your car you have too many.

[Demi @Demiii]

I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman. http://t.co/1NLMx0zjKe

[Demi @Demiii]

No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby. http://t.co/FMfYNTGS8r

[Demi @Demiii]

Ran out of Manila envelops. Off to the Philippines. http://t.co/OG5Q2DybW1

[Demi @Demiii]

http://t.co/qwOvbDSwJb The Bible is subtitled "Shit My God Says".

[Demi @Demiii]

Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass. http://t.co/Ep4zNhK8Io

[Demi @Demiii]

Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity. http://t.co/mxb4GRM5cV

[Demi @Demiii]

Websites that automatically play music are like strangers who try to talk to you on a plane. http://t.co/fcTdSR1n