Dena Dietrich

dietrich. lifetime member.

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

@KarmenRanalli Done.

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

Headed to dinner in the gayborhood with Karmen and Nichole…

Me: Karm you gonna be a lesbian today?

Karmen: no D, not today, I have a headache

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

@KarmenRanalli I’m done with you Karmen 😂😂😂

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

No one:

Liz: it’s 2022.. I’m tryna get dicked down not let down

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

Me: telling Liz abt a guy with webbed feet

Liz: I bet he’s a phenomenal swimmer

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

No one:

Liz: his dick was weird it was like smiling at me…

All I see is Tremors right now 😖

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

Talking with Charlie about weird sex fetishes..

Me: I don’t know why I’m like this…

Charlie: We grew up in the two girls, one cup era so it makes sense…

Truest shit I’ve ever heard 😂
@gundampilot24

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

In Cancun and ask liz…
“Todo bien??!”
Liz’s response?
AMARILLO!

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

Brunch convos:

Liz: “being single is so fun.. I had one guy nearly shave my clit off with his beard and another trying to jab around like when you’re tryna plug in an iPhone charger and can’t find the outlet…”

I’m done 😂😂😂

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

Girls usually want a sugar daddy! I want a sugar mami.. and her name is Susan Sarandon.

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

Damn. Bad week for Mr. Big.

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

Me: I saw this A-10 schematic poster I wanna get.
Jess: I’m sorry what?
Me: *repeats*
Jess: I don’t understand a fucking word you just said to me.
Me: I’m appalled you still don’t know the A-10 is my favorite aircraft.
Jess:I know that but what the hell does schematic mean
😏

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

Parenting in 2021…

*sends Venmo request to teenager for car insurance they “forgot” to pay last month*

*kid declines request*

*mom steals debit card while she’s sleeping*

Let’s see how many “Emergency 20s” she asks for this time!

😈

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

@John_Fifth You’re not wrong J5… #estoyperdido

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

Life in 2021:

Sitting in the car waiting for Covid test results for concert admittance whilst watching videos of ASMR bunnies eating fruit.

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

Of all the things I’ve mastered, ironing has never been one of them. I don’t know why, it just doesn’t cooperate with me. Bought a steamer tonight. Best $35 I’ve ever spent.

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

@Jawukoo Irrelevant.

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

@KarmenRanalli We can FaceTime and learn them together Karm 😂 julia is always tryna teach them to us anyways you may as well be a part of it 😂😂

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

Liz: (shuffling cards) “I’m gonna do my best, bc isn’t that what we’re all doing in life, just tryna do our best?”

I felt that 😂

[Dena Dietrich @DenaD2113]

@KarmenRanalli Uncultured swine.