Denis Len

BBC New Comedy Awards. Finalist So You Think Youre Funny. Written for Breaking The News. Listen to spooky podcast Unexplained Legends

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

"I was only messing" is a legitimate legal defense in Ireland.

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

The sub postmasters are in the news for being fucked by the post office. It wouldn’t have happened if they were dom postmasters

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

My mother was thrown off a cell by the Undertaker. Mamkind.

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Did I even go on a walk if my phone didn’t count the steps?

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Who hoovers the Henrys?

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

The hold music stops. This is it. I’m through. The hold music starts again. Nooooooooo!!

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Meatloafs son is called Beetroot

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Boss: Have you come across Dave?

Me: No, but I’ve come IN him

Boss: …

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Title for a biscuit horror movie… custard screams

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

I’d like to see a fly on the wall documentary about Curly Watts

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Entering my broken back era

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Anyone else have a fear of the alarm on their phone going off at the worst time possible?

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Good conspiracy theory… barbers are putting hair miracle grow in our hair under the guise of wax/gel

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Dentist: Do you eat a lot of sugary foods?

Me: (chews industrial grade toffee) Only for a little treat at the weekend

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

I think we should reintroduce native species into Ireland but also bring in one or two species to spice things up like a big hungry tiger.

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

You know what no one is talking about is how dogs know so many different languages

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Don’t worry, be happy. Oh well when you put it like that!

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Easy like a Sunday morning? Maybe for you @LionelRichie, but I’ve got a garden that needs mowing!

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

Your new gas bill is available to… RUIN YOUR LIFE

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

They should reduce everyone’s age by two years to give us back the covid years

[Denis Len @DenisLen3D]

They really should have called electric toothbrushes automatics.