Derek Burbank

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

I waited 7 hours to watch Connor McGregor TKO Cowboy in 40 seconds. Is that how women feel during sex?

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

If you have a small child it should be mandatory to fly on a separate airliner specifically for kids.

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

@tt_427 I just talked to my mom and she said if your mom says yes than we can build legos together.

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

Wanting to delete Tinder after one date.

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

@CURRAN_QUINLAN @stefbree09 That’s awkward…..

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

I work hard so my car gets the life that she deserves❤️🇯🇵

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

Tinder gold should come with a pair of cowboy boots.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

@BBCBreaking

[ChickenTender @voluntaryasmine]

I bet that balloon is full of fortune cookies. 🤤

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

@stefbree09 Good Japanese girls.

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

The times I’m sitting in a porta potty on a job site and it’s 100 degrees on the inside is when I tell myself I should’ve payed more attention in school.

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

@CURRAN_QUINLAN

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

Are we still building back better or????

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

I’m pretty sure Amber Heards lawyers and Thomas Binger went to the same law school.

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

I’ll know I made it in life when I have a refrigerator that dispenses ice cubes 🧊

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

Some of ya’ll switched back to “My body my choice” real quick. #medicalfreedom

[Derek Burbank @DerekBurbank]

@nmurray14 @Genness77 @CURRAN_QUINLAN No..not at all.