New Magic Wand Enjoyer

[Amiri King @AmiriKing]

My toddler loves Monsters Inc. especially Mike Wazowski.

Yesterday I was in Walmart and came across this cool t-shirt.

I immediately bought it, put it on in the car, and rushed home to show my toddler.

I hunted her down as soon as I came through the door.

She was sitting on the couch watching Hogi and eating Goldfish crackers.

I said, ‘Libby check out my cool new shirt!’

I was beaming. I just knew she was gonna think my shirt was the coolest shit ever.

She looked at me, looked at my shirt, scoffed, and yelled, ‘GO AWAY!’

Listen.

I don’t think we talk enough about what huge pieces of shit toddlers are.

That’s literally my TV you are watching.
I paid for those Goldfish crackers.
That’s my fucking couch.

I bought this cool t-shirt ONLY because of you.

And this is your response you f#ggot piece of sh!t??

You are wearing a shirt with a turtle on it that says, ‘Turtley Adorable’ you fuck!ng idiot.

You are broke.
Homeless.
Have poor life skills.
You can’t even fucking speak English.

You are basically a Somali immigrant only brighter in complexion and with much less forehead mass.

I’ll wipe my ass with this shirt.

Fuck this shirt.

Bitch nigga.

Your mom is fat.

[New Magic Wand Enjoyer @DevanRandolph]

@MrBeast 37,543

[New Magic Wand Enjoyer @DevanRandolph]

@mariojudah WHY the fuck is Mario Judah? 😭🙏🏽

[New Magic Wand Enjoyer @DevanRandolph]

@yuduyudud @LogicaISoIution He literally tweeted saying that the next update got delayed and that when it was done they would remove the holiday stuff. Not to mention you had FOUR ENTIRE DAYS past the initial ending date to craft that stuff. You’re a moron if you think BSG is in the wrong here 😂

[New Magic Wand Enjoyer @DevanRandolph]

@CodeByNZ Layout 1, bed NEVER by a window.

[New Magic Wand Enjoyer @DevanRandolph]

@clemmygames Goated fucking game

[Kurrco @Kurrco]

PLAYBOI CARTI
KENDRICK LAMAR

GOOD CREDIT

LIVE IN LOS ANGELES 🚨 https://t.co/WfO0jXOdZN

[¡Pagán!™️ @House_Of_Pagan]

🤭

[MAX @616WAYNE]

I DO NOT “MEAL PREP” I DO NOT “BUDGET GROCERIES” I BUY FOOD WHEN IM HUNGRY AND IF IM BROKE I KILL MYSELF

[CULTURE ♡⋆. @Eilishlifestyle]

@Variety We are sadly watching our right to freedom of speech being stripped away from us.💔💔💔

[scholastic book fair @jennifersnudes]

she has got to find a better way to let me know my dad just left for work

[New Magic Wand Enjoyer @DevanRandolph]

@TheAKGuy Ur off ur fucking rocker retard

[New Magic Wand Enjoyer @DevanRandolph]

@ManiacXVII Switch 1 was dogshit, what made y’all think the second one would be better? 😂

[New Magic Wand Enjoyer @DevanRandolph]

@loafyoash @katsupasta0 @ReignOfPride Holding down one button and throwing banana peels is not gameplay 😭🙏🏽

[New Magic Wand Enjoyer @DevanRandolph]

@likeseventeeen @PASTTHAM00N Perfect caption 😭😭😭