Devohn Bland

MPLS Based
Comic.
Writer for @thenordly
Co-founder of Uproar Performing Arts.

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

Aunt: Do you think you'll have kids in the future?

Me: Honestly I'm just more concerned with how my roommates and I can keep our basement from flooding right now.

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

WILDEST SEASON OF THE APPRENTICE EVER!!!!

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

Not everyone has a hoe phase. Sometimes you just have a phase where you make a lot of friends with people who aren't attracted to you but could really use a friend like you in their lives. Sometimes you gotta listen to folks talk about their hoe phase and give insight phase

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

If i've learned anything from this Kendrick VS Drake beef its that you cant be beefing with everyone, you cant have everybody beefin with you. You gotta be creating really good art more than you are beefin with other people. idk

[vince @vincestaples]

I have no sympathy for lazy whites

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

For my b'day I wanna do a curated movie marathon and if you niggas don't watch movies with me imma be upset

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

Jacob Frey on a Zipline like

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

Lowkey it be the people who claim to be the most patriotic that actually hate this county the most. They don't love this country, they don't love the land or the people. They love the institutions and what those institutions stand for.

[Human Rights Campaign Rapid Response @HRC]

Preach @TarajiPHenson!

Project 2025 is a REAL threat to all of us. Every part of it is a wrecking ball for our lives, our families, and our rights. #BETAwards

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

Muthafuckas be calling themselves meat sacks and flesh sacks, and bags of bones, and walking corpses and then be upset when they don't get invited to shit. Muthafucka I'm only inviting HUMAN BEINGS\ somebody's DOG to my birthday and or dinner party stop asking if I'm mad at you

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

Headband Jacob
A Thread

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

I literally wouldn't be doin comedy if it wasn't for Trans people. First person that ever paid me to do it was Trans. First comedy show I ever saw I went to with a trans homie. First person in my friend group to see me perform was a friend who is Trans. If you transphobic go die

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

You cant demand community, you have to build it and maintain it over time. And sometimes its not gonna be accessible. You not finna just tell me all of your problems and ways I need to help you the first time we meet. We need to talk about the weather first. Baseline. Period

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

People complain about Minnesotans only hanging out with folks they've known since high school, but its like...Whats your oldest friendship? Do y'all still talk? How often? Muthafuckas be wanting deep passionate connections, but they cannonball instead of dippin a toe in it. Wrong

[Devohn Bland @DevyAbstrakt]

Niggas talk all this shit about the importance of supporting workers and then do self checkout cuz they don't like interacting with cashiers y'all get on my fuckin nerves