Dan Granthony

you know what’s a stupid fucking company? @containerstore. I hate that company so much. short $tcs | Certified SATAN 2 Critic | Connoisseur of ICBMs

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

If you attached jumper cables to my balls and electrocuted them I would still sound better than this singer at the home run derby

#HomeRunDerby

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Karate is gay. 👍

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Victor Wenbanyama probably eats lone star ticks in between quarters. Also Iran has nuclear weapons. But wenbanyama needs to lay off the juice.

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

All Indians smell bad.

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

@Uncle_Tippy @jhumenslacrosse He consumes Xanax when the sun rises and just rides it out.

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Yeah what’s up bosshog can I get a bacon egg and cheese on a Kaiser roll, salt, pepper, ketchup, hold the bacon, hold the egg, hold the cheese, extra olives.

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Balled so hard they gave me the sexual offensive player of the year award and now I get to tell everyone in the neighborhood about it

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

What happens if you just kill yourself in an escape room?

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

The big wigs at Big Sock were excluded from the released Epstein files, to protect foreign industries. Who funds ISIS? You guessed it! BIG SOCK

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Dress socks to the bar, dress socks on the basketball court, dress socks in bed. FUCK BIG SOCK. I don’t care if my opinion gets me killed. POWER TO THE PEOPLE!

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Big Sock wants you to change out of your dress socks and into Nikes before the gym. FIGHT THE SYSTEM. ONE SOCK FOR ALL.

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

My orthopedic surgeon, Anton Nipples, is a total asshole, and I will not be going back to him again.

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Yo can you spot me like 100 grand? My boy Ron Crouton got arrested for a DUI with Serious Bodily Injury so I gotta bail him out but I swear he didn’t do it

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Chinese mothers stock Apple factories with child workers better than game wardens stock trout ponds

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

People with disabilities consistently smell bad

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

The car fax car fox looks like he smells like horseradish and lint

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Been big into leaving gerbils and hamsters wrapped in baby carriers outside my local autozone lately.

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Prince Chedward was in the Epstein files

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Just got a small pebble lodged in my shrimp hole. Easily top ten most painful things I’ve ever dealt with.

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

If the guy making my sandwich doesn’t pronounce it “sangweech” I don’t want it

[Dan Granthony @DGranthony]

Scared of bees.