Derek Hickey

“Writer” | “Comedian” | for sale IG: @derek_hickey

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

I use #Twitter the same way people use cocaine

It’s late at night, I have tons energy, and usually in the bathroom

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Schizophrenia and Alzheimer’s both run in my family. If I have both when I’m older, I won’t recognize the voices in my head. Im no doctor but would they just cancel out at that point?

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Having a newborn and a dog i get their toys mixed up all the time. The key difference is that we have books for our daughter. I guess thats why most dogs know the command “speak” but not “read”.

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Watching the Super Bowl just to see which politician gets Booed

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Turning Points All American alternative to the Puppy Bowl will be Kristi Noem at a shooting range

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

@CAGOP @GovPressOffice Answer me this…when in the last 25 years was this was ever done? Are we questioning Schwarzenegger’s win as give or? Why now?

[Republicans against Trump @RpsAgainstTrump]

Not a big fan of Jimmy Kimmel, but if you think his show should be canceled for this, you’re a hack and a total fraud who should never pretend to care about free speech

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

@Suzierizzo1 Damnit , now I have admit to my wife I like Michael’s

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Not complaining, but what happened to the TikTok ban @PodSaveAmerica ? Must’ve gotten lost along with that Epstein list…

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

“Treat everyone how Jesus treated others”

Yes….that’s heresy…

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Auto type on iPhones have better social skills than mark zuckerberg.

One will suggest a sad emoji after typing “crippling anxiety “ and the other is a grownup cabbage patch kid

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

PRIMARY every senator that believes in a strong/fair military

https://t.co/xOyr8Ov46T

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Thank god America can be defended before happy hour @PeteHegseth

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Thanks for having no backbone @SenJoniErnst

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Politics aside, I’m upset the #J6ers are released because I’m already over listening to Free Bird

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Parents are all about banning books but love true crime. Have you ever read Sherlock Holmes? He was a mansplaining, racist that constantly did cocaine…so yes a politician

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

After sending a friend a meme, I love that Instagram asks if the conversation met my business goals. My memes, my choice Zuckerberg

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Next thing we know Trump will rename Southern New Hampshire university

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

Emails from news outlets just confuse more than scare me..

Friday: protein powder may not really work

Saturday: terrorism is on the rise

Sunday: gangs of beavers may steal your identity

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

May be Luigi Mangione was just protesting healthcare plans for horses…#LuigManigone

[Derek Hickey @DHicks37]

I’m all for forced deportation if the first is @elonmusk

[Sean Thomas @SeanThomasFL]

U.S. Rep @JasmineForUS (D-TX) just called out Elon Musk & Trump. Her energy is 120%. #GovernmentShutdown #Trump