Brant Aycock

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

Dear Iran,
Can you add a clause stating that all future negotiations must be conducted via Trump Phones, and must be placed from a border wall that has been paid for by Mexico? This is all stuff Donald promised anyway, so it shouldn't be a problem! #IranWar #MessOPotamia

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

Calling Hillary Clinton instead of Donald Trump to testify under oath about Epstein is like grilling your geranium about the death of your parakeet while ignoring the cat with feathers in its mouth. #EpsteinFiles

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

So wait - the "Big Beautiful Bill" has $46 billion set aside for the border wall? We don't need that - Trump already said Mexico was paying for it. OMG!!! I just saved our country $46 billion! YOU'RE WELCOME, AMERICA. 💕
#BigBeautifulBill

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

@JakeJts51140 Nice dick and feet! Hot!!!

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

Katy Perry's Dr. Luke-produced new album is getting such bad reviews that not only does it seem to have ruined any chances for a comeback, it appears likely to top several "Worst of 2024" album lists. Any chance William Hung can put something together before December 31? #Music

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

The rumors that JD Vance had relations with furniture appear to be couched in satire. There's no way to cushion the blow to his reputation, sofa the love of propriety - leave his sectional proclivities private! Ottoman be able to love who he loves? #JDVance #sofagate

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

Last night history was made: for the first time ever, a leading political party nominated a convicted felon to be president of the United States.
#RNC2024 #POTUS #Election2024

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

Donald Trump selling "God Bless the USA" Bibles (King James text + US Constitution), seems ridiculous to me. Having said that, my inner Virgo does appreciate the efficiency of having BOTH documents that Donald loves to ignore in one handy publication.
#Election2024 #TrumpBible

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

When you live in a capitalist bureaucracy such as the USofA, you soon realize the death of a loved one necessitates two burials. First you bury your loved one. Then you get buried in fees and paperwork. #WTFWednesday

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times - any Britney Spears musical that doesn't include an Act One finale of the lead character shaving her head and attacking a car with an umbrella while singing "(Hit Me) Baby One More Time" is doomed to fail. #OnceUponAOneMoreTime

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

Naming rights for Charlotte's football arena are coming up soon. Frankly, $140 million is a lot to pay to put your name on a building I'm just gonna call Panthers Stadium anyway. #CLT #CharlotteNC #QueenCity #IJS

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

Tucker Carlson has been let go from Fox News AND Bed Bath and Beyond has filed for bankruptcy. So now - not only is Tucker's career in the toilet, but it seems likely he won't be able to find attractive mats to go with that toilet. #TuckerCarlson #BedBathBeyond

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

So we spent an entire year in 2020 without toilet paper, but instead of working on sustainable options for that we get a Mammoth Meatball. Kthnxbai 😐
#MammothMeatball #WTFwednesday #Kthnxbai

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

Today feels like Groundhog's Day, except instead of waiting to see if a groundhog emerges from its burrow & sees its shadow we're curious to see if a a rat looks out of his resort & sees arresting officers. #IndictmentWatch

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

Today is National Dentists Day - so just like flossing, if you want to buy me a drink at the last minute but pretend you've been celebrating since last time I saw you that's cool. #NationalDentistsDay

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

Considering the cost of eggs has almost tripled over the last year, perhaps people should've been investing in those instead of cryptocurrency. Chickcoin, anyone? Might be a way to re-coop some of your losses. 🐔🥚🐣 #cryptocurrency #EggsIssues23 #CoopThereItIs

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

As this dangerously frigid weather moves across our great nation, let's not forget that we are Americans! Please bring your guns indoors. If you're cold, they're cold.
#BombCyclone #WinterStorm #IceIceBaby #Murica

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

The Pentagon failed its FIFTH audit in a row - this time being unable to account for more than 60% of its $3.5 trillion in assets. If we wanted something this bloated and irresponsible to handle our national defense - we would've just hired Axl Rose to do it. #USgovt #Pentagon

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

I don’t really have a problem with NyQuil chicken, I just can’t imagine what side dishes you’d serve with it. Pep-tomato Bismol? Amoxicil-lentils? Lipitor-tellini??
#NyQuilChicken #NyQuilChickenChallenge #WTFWednesday

[Brant Aycock @discobrant]

I'm guessing no future White House tour will be complete without the chance to take a picture with the ketchup-stained walls of the Oval Office dining room, which date back to the Trump administration. #Jan6thHearings #KetchupGate #CassidyHutchinson