Courtney

I hate when I have sex and then I accidentally have three kids and then I can't hear anything because EVERYONE IS FUCKING YELLING!!

[Courtney @Discourt]

Raven3Claw94 #REBIRTHDAY @CallofDuty

[Courtney @Discourt]

@JustCallMeFrank I found some of the best people ❤️

[Courtney @Discourt]

Going to buy a bottle of wine and break my own heart so I can appreciate Taylor Swifts new album properly.

[OPNastyy @OPNastyy]

always a pleasure running into @Timmy2Cans on the island. <3

[Courtney @Discourt]

About to unfriend everyone who finishes a workout on my Apple Watch because frankly I’m tired of it.

[Courtney @Discourt]

@Activision so alongside not banning hackers you’re banning people who suck at this game and don’t actually do anything wrong? Nice.

[Courtney @Discourt]

Cashier was uneasy about selling me cough medicine without my ID. Lady I’m almost 40. If I was gonna get messed up on cough meds I wouldn’t have to spend so much money on vodka. Ring me up.

[Courtney @Discourt]

Me in the kitchen packing the first school lunches since March.

[Courtney @Discourt]

Just remembered my kid lost a tooth today and now I’m laying here waiting for him to fall asleep and I’m so tired and this is why parenting is torture.

[Spookt @spookt_com]

https://t.co/HUDEBf4Day

[Courtney @Discourt]

All I want for Christmas is Lucifer Season 6, she thought, as she binged season 5 in a day.

[derek @DerekOBrien25]

Anybody know the address of the guy who ate the bat? I just wanna talk

[Courtney @Discourt]

Me: love is blind is so stupid I’m not watching.

Me on the last episode: OMG SHE SAID NO?! I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THAT!!

[Courtney @Discourt]

8- Mom can I put my Orbees in the tub?!

Me- Sure but take them ALL out. No complaining that there’s too many!

8- OK!!

*25 mins later*

8- MOM THERES TOO MANY IM HAVING A HARD TIME!

[Courtney @Discourt]

@TheNordicHammer HahahahH

[Courtney @Discourt]

@nathanrodger For reals... they’re amazing.

[Courtney @Discourt]

My 9 year old is watching video memes. Reading memes to him. So lazy. His generation will be amazing.

[Courtney @Discourt]

7-Mom my leg randomly started bleeding in the shower!
Randomly? Did you try shaving?
7-no!
You sure you’re not lying?
7- well I’m not lying but I did shave, just not that spot...

[Courtney @Discourt]

Sometimes my kids have such interesting thoughts and ideas. Other times my 9 year old asks “mom what’s a fetish?” From the backseat.

[Courtney @Discourt]

@eTHEgoddess Right?!?!

[Courtney @Discourt]

7- mom can we go for a walk?

Me who just got home from work, made dinner, made lunches, did dishes and laundry and just sat down- no I just sat down.

7, annoyed- you’ve been sitting down for like 5 minutes mom...