ms bird

6 ft tall FREE PALESTINE

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

the concept is nice but i will just never participate in a “group ride” i need to bike as fast as i possibly can or i’ll freak out

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

i have beautiful hair but it always looks like shit bc in the winter it’s -20 degrees and dry as fuck and in the summer it’s 1000% humidity and i bike everywhere so im sweating like a damn pig. when does Brigid win…..

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

texting my bf the dumbest bullshit imaginable while he’s at his alcoholics anonymous meeting and getting mad when he doesnt respond >>>

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

love that part in stacy’s mom when he goes “wait a minute ☝🏻”

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

“west st paul” oh you mean that neighborhood on the most eastern side of st paul?? yea fuck you fuck off

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

u ppl need to stop arguing about “hipster” and start stretching out your hip flexors. ur all old as fuck!! 😂

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

making a playlist that will ensure peak happiness for the next 6-12 weeks :)))))

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

what if yr really good at lying for fun plus yr also a chicago dive bar server (my little brother)

[NEET priest @serpentinedumb1]

People who enjoy lying for fun often overestimate their skill. The world's bartenders and taxi drivers are forced to nod and smile at people who think they're being quirky for doing high-school improv with themselves

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

u can lift weights every day & still embrace/participate in Fat Bitch Summer. it’s allowed and in fact it’s even encouraged

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

ppl who are like “im soooo sorry i have such a bad memory” when they forget basic things & it’s like. ok well get a better one. do some word puzzles or something

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

my sister called a very muscular tv actor “skinny” and i was like, if u saw some of the malnourished freaks that i get off on you would lose your lunch. but her husband is basically the size of a refrigerator so i suppose it all checks out

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

it’s so sweet when u can tell a man wholeheartedly loves and cherishes his dorky annoying little son

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

backrooms is such a major blow against fat girl summer. like SORRY i cant crawl through some of those little spaces bc of my GIANT ASS i guess the monster is gonna get me 🙄

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

making waterpark plans with my little siblings. i love my chungus life 🤩

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

should i order a pizza??? i love tweeting like i am on facebook circa 2010 to my 4 active followers :)

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

big spicy dinner, brisk hour long walk, a little cig on the stoop, cold shower before bed?? that is the life

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

wasnt gonna drink tn but i miss fat lana del rey like a motherfucker

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

never brag about being in love or having good sex. the universe will Hurt You in new & interesting ways

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

not having a/c in the upstairs unit of a 100 year old duplex on a 90 degree day will have a bitch ready to feel sooooo normal :))))))

[ms bird @ditchwitch3000]

pulled out the string bikini at the beach today, the water was absolutely disgusting & my shoulders got a bit sunburnt, it was awesome i am NOT fucking around this year