Matt

Actor, sketch writer, martial artist, karaoke artist, office worker...artist.

[Matt @DocFalconer]

@LGUS is this how your monitors are supposed to look after a year and a half of low to moderate use?

[Matt @DocFalconer]

Your moment of zen. Happy Friday! Except to LG.

[Matt @DocFalconer]

The service costs $350, and they won’t even give me that as a courtesy. Terrible product, terrible service. This is what you get after being loyal and spending 10k plus on LG monitors and appliances.

[Matt @DocFalconer]

@LGUS is this how your monitors are supposed to look after a year and a half of low to moderate use?

[Matt @DocFalconer]

@KeithUnlimited @LGUS They can’t do anything - looks like I won’t be purchasing LG products from here on out :/

[Matt @DocFalconer]

@KeithUnlimited @LGUS I’m in contact with support now, we’ll see how they respond…

[Matt @DocFalconer]

🔥🔥🔥

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

Things most Americans agree on:

Groceries cost too much.

Tariffs suck and make no sense.

Congress and Presidents shouldn’t trade stocks.

The debt is a mess.

The border should be secure, but legal immigration is good.

Endless wars are stupid, especially ones that nobody wants and have never been explained.

Americans are exhausted.

AI is like my new best friend that also might be trying to take my job, my ability to think for myself, and my humanity in the process. Yo like I love you, but WTF, but I still love you.

Diversity is actually awesome! The opposite is boring AF.

Canadians are super fucking cool.

Mexicans are chill.

Putin isn’t a good guy looking out for America’s best interest. Rocky IV and Miracle are great movies.

Good neighbors are a blessing.

Freedom of religion and coexistence without having to blow each other up is probably a good idea.

We all question, are we alone in the universe?

We all fuck up along the way.

Epstein didn’t hang himself.

The Trumps and Epstein were best friends for decades. It’s like Bert trying to tell us Ernie was just an acquaintance in the same social scene on Sesame Street back in the day.

The Cowboys suck. Go Birds!

Things we’re told to fight about:

Me.
Laptop.
Vaccines.
Transgenders in sports.
Pronouns.

That’s the joke.

[Matt @DocFalconer]

Jfc. We’re living through Idiocracy.

[Glenn Tunes @glenn_tunes]

77 MILLION VOTED FOR THIS 🙄 YOU GUYS MUST BE SO PROUD🤦

[𝔏𝔢𝔫𝔞 🎀 @clusterbitch_]

it’s crazy how we have both the World Cup and America 250 this year and almost no one cares about them because the administration has wholly sucked the joy out of even momentous national events

[Matt @DocFalconer]

@DanYunIsTrying @preterniadotcom

[Matt @DocFalconer]

🤌🤌🤌

[Democrats @TheDemocrats]

@StephenM shut up you ugly fuck

[Maine @TheMaineWonk]

MAGA: Trump’s mean tweets are based and how real Americans talk.

@TheDemocrats: @StephenM is an ugly fuck.

MAGA:

[Matt @DocFalconer]

@preterniadotcom Got it! I guess there are some benefits to being up in the middle of the night with a screaming infant.

[Matt @DocFalconer]

@realDonaldTrump You’re a deeply sad and pathetic man.

[Matt’s Idea Shop @MattsIdeaShop]

“Fresh diaper. Good. Now, shit your pants again, immediately”

[Rod (Izzy) 🇺🇸🦅 @1zzyzyx1]

A Louisiana resident named Marshawn didn’t hold back today and didn’t care who he offended with what he said. He’s right; this is MAGA’s last gasp for air. The courage of these residents to speak out gives me hope for our future. #DemsUnited

[Rob L. White (‘Cuddle’ Short Film OUT NOW!!) @therlwrites]

IT WAS CALLED THE SCHOLASTIC BOOK FAIR AND THEY BROUGHT THE BOOKS TO THE SCHOOL AND SET IT UP LIKE A BOOKSTORE AND YOU COULD GET GOOSEBUMPS AND FEAR STREET BOOKS BUT ALSO MICHAEL JORDAN POSTERS AND NICKELODEON BOOKMARKS AND PENCILS THAT SMELLED LIKE CUPCAKES

[Fred Guttenberg @fred_guttenberg]

If you were horrified last night watching our elected leaders run and scramble because of gun violence, just imagine how my daughter Jaime felt in school running from an active shooter before she was killed.

Now, becomes a part of the solution and only vote for people determined to address gun violence in America.

[Matt @DocFalconer]

Take that ya’ poor kids!

[Tiberius @tiberiusfiles]

Punishing homeless children to show the world he is a better Christian than the Pope