Dr. Splock

Parenting parody account. Collecting hilarious parenting tweets.

[Tempest SG @TotesTempestTV]

Enter code Tempest at checkout 4 a #free gift!
#bachelorette #TheBacheloretteFinale #selfcare #bathandbeauty

[Tempest SG @TotesTempestTV]

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[Dr. Splock @DocSplock]

The toys we spent the most on are played with the least. Re-using everything has been the biggest investment in our kids' imaginations.

[Dr. Splock @DocSplock]

Me: Ok, so what's today's reason why you can't do your homework?

6: I just have a lot going on right now.

[Mark @NoticablyBacon]

Our I.T. guy just told me that he uses internet explorer, and now i have large doubts that he knows anything about computers

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Wife: *points to toddler* She can't wear that.

Me: Why?

Wife: You dressed her in 3 different shades of purple

Me: Too many or not enough?

[Tempest SG @TotesTempestTV]

https://t.co/kwpceLiOKT
My survival skills video is up on youtube! Soon back crawl and front swimming will be up too! #swimmer @TorrentSwim

[Dr. Splock @DocSplock]

Me: Are you being naughty?
4: No.
While holding stolen chocolate behind his back.
While facing AWAY from me 😂

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

4-year-old: How come you're tall and I'm short?

Me: I'm older.

4: I'll be taller when you're dead.

[Justin Cider @PantsDonkey]

What the hell is Frosty doing to Santa?

[Torrent Swim School @TorrentSwim]

Checkout our giveaway @4theloveofmommy ! Win free lessons! https://t.co/ABGIQB2a9u

[Dr. Splock @DocSplock]

#DadJokes https://t.co/xcTYKtRQIe

[#CanadaStartups @Canada_Startups]

A joke for you: Why did the doughnut maker retire? He was fed up with the hole business.

[TwistedDoodles @twisteddoodles]

My kids are beginning to walk. It's brilliant, yet terrifying.
Like when they bring back the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. #parenting

[Dr. Splock @DocSplock]

These guys teach our kids & they are AMAZING! If you live in the #annex & looking 4 #swimlessons you have to try them out! https://t.co/XngNso90tv

[Torrent Swim School @TorrentSwim]

Guess who was working on front crawl, back crawl, and breaststroke today?
Want these results from your swim lessons? https://t.co/pJleDXSWZO

[Dr. Splock @DocSplock]

6yo:

"My butt is my vagina clavicle!"

That's what you get for teaching your kids about anatomy...

[Torrent Swim School @TorrentSwim]

#WhyWeDoWhatWeDo

Because kids' pride in their accomplishments matters.

#WednesdayWisdom

Learn more at https://t.co/pJleDXSWZO

[Dr. Splock @DocSplock]

Aaaand my son now calls me "Princess Daddy."
#parentingwin #kids

[Dr. Splock @DocSplock]

@YourTODeals @Todaysparent @torontolife @HelpWeveGotKids

#SwimmingLessons #Torontodeals #parenting https://t.co/1CdSGK4bJD

[Torrent Swim School @TorrentSwim]

FREE swimming lessons plus 50% off for family members for FIVE winners!
10% coupon code for every entry!

#toronto
https://t.co/wJVO7Nzfu8

[Dr. Splock @DocSplock]

Anyone in TO? https://t.co/eVTpyyut99

[Torrent Swim School @TorrentSwim]

Swimming lessons for only $8.78/lesson w/ code WINTER when you reg. B4 Nov. 15!
https://t.co/2KvU9B3UUe
@tor_dealfinder

[The Good Men Project @GoodMenProject]

Even wondered what a baby daily's life would be like if it was narrated by Sir David Attenborough? https://t.co/cJdpGJli7z