apple pie and six cigarettes✨

[Ultima @UltimaShadowX]

OH FUCK HE’S ON THE LOOSE

[˗ˏˋ eeby !! ˎˊ˗ @ehebai]

??? where’s hatsune miku? isn’t she the one they’re all competing for?

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

oomf = one of my followers
a person who follows you

moot = mutual follower
you both follow each other

Essentially, all moots are oomfs, but not all oomfs are moots.

[Cece 🐾🌸 @Choubichon]

👩🏻 regarde ces pâtes on dirait des fils de téléphone c'est rigolo
🧒🏻 mais maman ils ont pas de fils comme ça les téléphones
👩🏻*pleure en vieille*

[mars 🍂 | #MJTWT @TRlPONME]

damn they got him in the warehouse packing orders

[nat jurídico turma da mônica @its_nyat]

ai meu deus, foi porque eu botei o nome deles no congelador e depois me arrependi e botei pra ferver, não foi?? deu choque térmico, tadinhos

[Colleen @Coll3enG]

my coworker just asked that I tweet “Only button that needs to be on the microwave is the +30 seconds one” says it’s gonna do “numbies”

[Taran Fiddler @TFiddlerArt]

Tbh, at the time I never would have expected this piece would become a meme… 😂

[the thicc husband & father @lukeisamazing]

no World Cup games today? what am I supposed to do, spend time with my family?

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

me: the biggest danger to goalies is pretending the goal is a giant mouth. it seems harmless but then you’re like, “what if he’s hungry? I’ll just let him eat one ball.” that’s how 90% of goals are scored

other world cup commentator: ok we’re gonna go ahead and mute andrew’s mic

[John Halo @EpicMasterChief]

I got banned from /r/ShaolinMonks for asking about forbidden techniques

[ׅ❦ @cursdpanda]

when im lowkey sleepy so i decide to stay up for a few more hours

[chaotic memes @memechaotic]

Tough day for the unemployed.

[Michael Benjamin @mfbenji]

There needs to be a new Emmy category “Outstanding Comedy Series that’s not HaHa funny but it’s still a Comedy I guess”

[beetle moses @beetlemoses]

Generational pull

[dande @dande_only]

yes because nothing makes me angrier than… norwegian children?

[12,000 angry bees @WWaltuhh]

Thank you for giving him a lift you will bee spared...

[R🥷 @rad1sharif]

If this happens i expect king charles to personally go with his royal guards and take infantino hostage into tower of london until he agrees to reverse it