Nathan Schultz

The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show... and see if she likes the goods

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

@Likaglov You gotta eat lunch alone like steven glandsburg

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year, with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that NO days a year.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

One of my biggest fears in life is getting a dog and having it not like me.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

Possible conversation starters for when I meet Emma Watson. 1. Hey Emma Wats-happening?! Or, 2. I've always wanted to make you her-MINE Granger. @EmmaWatson

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

This game should be called camping because it's in-tents. #BALvsCIN

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

I've had a rough couple of months but I recently got a crockpot so I'm hoping that all turns around.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

Chris- Jake you should have a baby.
Jake- That thing would die within a week, I can barely keep myself alive for a week.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

I was okay living with jake for the past 8 months until he just started yelling "last squirt alert" as he opened his last citrus beverage.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

Can't wait until my online karate classes pay off.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

@kissmyashhxo I make him better meals

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

Apparently this computer has been programmed to feel human emotions, pssh, well, that's not how I'm programmed.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

If I can’t scuba then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward?

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

I want a Pam Beesly.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

Thinking about how much different my life would be if my mom named me Jefferson Steelflex instead of Nate.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

One of the pros to throwing a roll of toilet paper through our bathroom window is now we get a nice cross breeze. #RogerClemens

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

Does anyone know if you're supposed to tip your dentist?

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

Why don't you punch me in the face as hard as you can? Pour some honey on me, let me see you get really mad.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

I think things will work out once I meet a girl who's name is in Mambo No. 5.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

Looking at her, I feel like she might be the perfect spooning size for me.

[Nathan Schultz @EdwardSchultzz]

Getting crunchy peanut butter was the biggest mistake of my life.