ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ

a fair amount of diggity 🍌

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

i feel like we put too much trust into elevator doors.

[Dancin’ and Emphasizin’ @astoldbysly]

Usher.

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

let’s shotgun these lobster tails

[i like food @messedupfoods]

just trying to feel something

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

not me walking around walmart absolutely JAMMING to the music and realizing big bootie playing only to realize after a hot second it’s MY PHONE in my back pocket that’s been blasting the jams 🤪😅

can’t wait to see you goons at red rocks tonight @twofriendsmusic 🥳🥳🥳

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

“snakes are unpredictable…they don’t have legs!”

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

“my mom’s snake once escaped and they couldn’t find it for SIX MONTHS…turns out it was in their couch��

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

asked the chick in Nordstrom where the sparkly mesh dress in the window was in store and she responded with, “oh, it’s designer” and I’m just like lolololololololololololol “that’s great, can you show me where it is?”

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

my boyfriend tells me his favorite jellybean flavors are juicy pear and peach…the look of disgust he gives me when I tell him my favorites are buttered popcorn and black licorice was absolutely PRICELESS 😅

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

can someone explain to me why i put self tanner on just my arms???? while sober????

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

“Canada is a third world country with a Gucci bag” — Genevieve, a Canadian

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

“definitely don’t compost this aluminum can”

[Trixie Mattel™ @trixiemattel]

do you ever just freak the fuck out

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 13 years, since 31 Dec 2010 (via @twi_age).

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

2023 is already looking VERY amazing. an ~international~ island trip and Adam Lambert is coming out with new music?

bet.
😍

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

@andeecheeks okay but i feel like he would have also done the same thing if you had been driving? he’s a dumb dumb dodo. the audacity of that human!!

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

@andeecheeks r u serious? lmaooobutwtffffffff

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

day two of negative degree weather (-6° currently). wearing yak cashmere socks and a locally made hoodie who’s product description is literally “made for layering in the nastiest conditions” coming THROUGH this morning 🥶

[JACK BLY @TheJackBly]

Every fitness lesson I learned after 8 years in the gym:

1. If you're not horny, you're not healthy.

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

saw the most majestic, most bushy-tailed, most fiery red fox run across the street in the snowy winter wonderland today and if that’s not a good omen, i dunno what is 🦊✨

[ᴇ ᴍ ɪ ʟ ʏ @EEBbro]

in IKEA for the first time has me feeling like this is an episode of Black Mirror — kinda cool, kinda creepy af