not a doctor 💬

Sleep enthusiast. Sleep is the most importan mael of teh dayy

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

#IVoted

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

This @midnight reboot was bussin and not as mid as expected. Yeet! https://t.co/pyxaKOxNif

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

@rebeccawatson A custom made dog treat in the shape of a pokéball

[The Iron Sheik @the_ironsheik]

TAKE A MINUTE OF YOUR DAY TO BE NICE TO SOMEONE YOU DUMB SON OF A BITCH

[The Iron Sheik @the_ironsheik]

RESPECT THE LEGEND FOREVER 😢

[Dianna Cowern @thephysicsgirl]

It’s been nearly 5 months of being completely bedridden. I’ve made very little progress. I can still barely move, or think or talk.

I want to be out in the world living a life. My body hurts. But my heart hurts more.

I wish I had a more positive update.

[Alice @RationalBlonde]

We need to add PR, DC, and Guam as states.

53 is a prime number

then we can truly be one nation, indivisible

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

@rebeccawatson It's possible that the accounts still have metadata that identify them as "verified" but the latest Twitter client ignores it and only shows a checkmark for new metadata that flags them as "premium" users

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

@rebeccawatson I'm just gonna add a dumb 💬 emoji to my name and I'm sure somebody will mistake it for some sort of badge

[Susanna Hoffs @SusannaHoffs]

Saturday is actually my fun day.

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

The end years are the bad ones anyway, right?
https://t.co/L5SxaZV9tU

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

@rebeccawatson If you love what ozone does to your lungs, prepare your rectum to get "Rekt by PaltrOwzone"*

*patent pending

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

@rebeccawatson When I listen to podcasts while I'm driving to work I hate it when they use siren-like background music or any kind of background that makes it sound like there's something wrong with my tires

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

maybe someday politics will be described as "human" or "artificially intelligent" instead of "left" or "right"

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

@rebeccawatson It's sad that many of the people affected will explain the earthquake as their god being mad at them because that's obviously how hyper-intelligent omniscient monsters communicate displeasure

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

@rebeccawatson A gyro with tzatziki on pita is a nice alternative. I guess it can be vegan with falafel and vegan tzatziki

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

@rebeccawatson The "Die Hard" title kinda comes off as a plausible name for porn movie. Perhaps if it were "Die Hard Actually" it wou-- yeah that's definitely a lot worse

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

@rebeccawatson Collapsing buildings are OP-- they should definitely be nerfed in the next patch.

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

@rebeccawatson Obviously wearing plate mail or chain mail boots would force the attacker under your car to have to roll a natural 20 to pull that off

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

Just waiting for the part of the Trump saga where he fakes his own death to escape all his legal problems and spends the last three years of his life on one of the few Caribbean islands that has a McDonald's

[not a doctor 💬 @eeTommyJ]

OMG OMG OMG!
https://t.co/zzSEpFFzbL