Frank

I enjoy cold beverages.

[Frank @EffdotEss]

I chime in with a “Haven’t you people ever heard of, staying the fuck at home?”

[Frank @EffdotEss]

Hey @bitchkrieg, thanks for the pick! Sorry I did that to your minivan, but you drive like an asshole.

http://t.co/1mKKP2q0Cw

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

I don't care if John Stamos just turned 50, I'd still cuddle the fuck out of that handsome motherfucker.

[Frank @EffdotEss]

You can fuck right off with your inspirational truck commercial, Chevy.

[Frank @EffdotEss]

Hey @WookieInMyPants, your stick figure family gets to live to see another day. Thanks for the pick!

http://t.co/1Gs181ClS0

[Frank @EffdotEss]

This bitch cut me off going into the parking lot so I cut off the heads of the stick figure family on her minivan.

[Daniel Plainview @10InchesPlus]

Wow great story. Well, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? Anyway the ramp is right over there so...

[Brian Hope @Brianhopecomedy]

*door opens*

"OMG OPTIMUS WHAT ARE-"

"Mom it's not what you think! After the DUI they installed a breathalyzer & put it in a weird spot."

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

“Be careful. I don’t want my sexiness to overwhelm you.”

Times I’ve used this line on my wife: 682.

Times it’s led to sex: 0.

[Steven @101Racey]

I had a fucking awesome goatee once but it was just chocolate sauce.

[Just J @junejuly12]

All Canadians are tattooed with a tiny maple leaf somewhere on our bodies when we become adults

The fun part is finding it

[Cool Eric @OBiiieeee]

Just passed a car full of teens eating Fun Dip and one of them took the stick and did the cut throat motion so now I'm going like 100mph.

[Ol' Dirty Diaper @OLDIRTYDIAPER]

Who decided eyelashes were sexy? Hair coming out of eyes is pretty gross if you think about it. Eye hair is hot but ear hair isn't? Wtf.

[loli @Loli_Sug]

The milkshake in my yard is made with anthrax. Come n get it boys.

[Frank @EffdotEss]

@JimmerThatisAll Most welcome, George and Ringo are under appreciated.

[Frank @EffdotEss]

I knew it wasn’t meant to be when she told me her favorite sandwich shop was Subway.