eggsnhotsauce

just me and my little jokes. NYC/ATX comedian.

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

Japan: “I present sushi. It is delicate, it is raw fish, but it is also art. The chefs prepare it through a meditative process.”

America: “cool story, we’re gonna fry it and cover it in mayonnaise.”

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

A guy that makes me laugh like this:

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

@NYMag @KerryHowley

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

Sorry I was late, there was a cardinal outside and I had to tell my dog “we’re really getting some great birds out here”

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

@mike_is_eaton You’d think that, but people still tend to get upset

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

Real live girls in your area are waiting for you to KNOCK IT OFF

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

George Michael in your headphones will have you looking at the NYPD differently.

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

If men got PMS, drywall sales would be through the roof.

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

Bummer. I was hoping Kate Middleton was pulling a Gone Girl.

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

Nickelodeon documentary got me wondering what Tiffany Haddish is up to lately

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

Early 2000s punk pop was all

Don’t mess with me, I wear Chuck Taylor’s 🤪

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

I can hear the St. Patrick’s Day parade avenues from my apartment, feels like I’m in a worse version of Zone of Interest.

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

Gritty vs. The Poptart

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

@beeple All I see is Orwell and Kafka

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

Did anyone else see their relationship begin and end on their Spotify wrapped?

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

The Turkey I gobbled, the potatoes I smashed, the cheese I chumped…

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

My boomer parents watching a Jack Harlow half time show as if they are staring death in the face.

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

@lemonpartyshow @JaceAvery The fact I decided to pause this episode on iTunes, so I could make sure to watch it on my tv… really makes me think I should take mental health leave of absence.

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

Perhaps unrelated, but I think we were all a little nicer to each other when we were putting butter in our coffee.

[eggsnhotsauce @Eggsnhotsauce]

They should invent a straight man that doesn’t stress me tf out.

[Jason Zod @jzod138]

@ryanlfoster_ fucking always cracks me up! The new episode of Foster Care starts off STRONG with @Eggsnhotsauce and the return of Mikey the Wop!!!🤣😂🤘🔥🔥🔥
https://t.co/U2OyWkHfh3