emily

'you'll find me in the region of the summer stars'

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

Hi I’m not creepy! My phone keeps taking random screenshots when I go to lock it. So if you get a snap notification it was an accident idk what’s happening

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

My manager on a busy Monday night: “how come the gulf gets TWO hurricanes and we get NOTHING to stop these people!!” 😂😂

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

When your married ex boyfriend starts hitting you up on Snapchat... no 🙃

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

I thought the new queer eye would cheer me up... and like it is but I’m also sobbing

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

I am a privileged white woman. Currently one of my privileges is that I still have a job. So unfortunately I was unable to attend any of the local protests this weekend. I would have been there if I could have. #BlackLivesMattters

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

When even Mitt Romney isn’t the worst choice we could have made...

[Mitt Romney @MittRomney]

Black Lives Matter.

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

The body dysmorphia is so real like has my life been a lie? Because one the “hot guys” from high school just matched with me on a dating app and I’m floored. Have I been hot this whole time? Is this a joke?

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people don’t pull up enough in a drive through line. We can for two more cars in if you’d just pay attention and open your eyes. Learn to drive people

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

Watching Barack speak on CNN was honestly so emotional. Obviously due to what he was speaking about but also because I needed to hear a real leader speak. I teared up.

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

I watched an 8 minute video on how to trim my long layered hair and I may never go back to a salon I did such a good job.

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

The Coast Guard is doing like a shit ton of flyovers today and I just yelled outside for them to stop being dramatic but like I’m the one being dramatic... oops

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

I heard my hangers move and this is what I see. 😂😂😂 (pls excuse my messy closet I don’t have enough room for my shoes)

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

Every time I watch new or old RHOBH episodes I am reminded why I would lay down my life for Erika Girardi @erikajayne

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

In the time it took me to change into a bathing suit and put on a little sunscreen the sun disappeared so now i smell like summer but don’t feel like summer and it’s bumming me out

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

I watched the parks and rec special again and now I’m crying... again

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

I’ve become the person who needs two heating pads for her back every night. I’m 24. I’m going to need this to stop now I can’t be doing this the rest of my life

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

@AyeYoitsEMMA Thank you for acknowledging the service industry! I helped feed probably 3,000 people yesterday for Mother’s Day and most of them were angry about our safety precautions making their wait longer. So thank you for this.

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

I’m here this morning to remind you all that the theme song to All That on 90s-00s Nickelodeon was the fucking jam

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

This is the superior hard seltzer. Sorry folks, your claw slogan is cute but this tastes better with none of the fake sugar or flavors

[emily @EGLanzarotto]

EB spent more money on stupid keypad pokers than on masks. It’s so thin it does nothing to protect anyone