Electric Jasper

I aspire to ride into the sunset in a kangaroo's pouch.

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

Best $680 I ever did spend

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

I put my iPhone on airplane mode and threw it off my balcony. WTF Apple???

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

My doctor told me I'm as healthy as a horse. I told him the average horse only lives 26 years and stormed the hell out of there.

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

My biggest regret is that I'll never see how awesome I am from another person's perspective.

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

With all due respect, your existence is the worst thing to happen in the history of the universe.

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

A word to the wise: Don’t hug a cactus when you’re feeling lonely.

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

Don't even talk to me before I've had my morning cup of vodka.

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

Be kind and treat others with respect. There's no WiFi in hell.

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. So I shot him. Now I can't find daddy.

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

@notskanky I’ll never forget my 23rd birthday when my sex drive turned off permanently the moment I blew out the candle in my cupcake

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

@DanteMienie I can't either! And we still aren't riding dragons 😞

[Jasper Electric @JasperElectric]

Michael Jackson tells a knock knock joke

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

@Kiikyi I messed up 😄 my new account is @JasperElectric

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

@Kiikyi 😂

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

I have to come clean. Taylor Swift’s new album is not about me.

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

I’m starting over. Follow me here @JasperElectric

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

The sun must be so lonely

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

@ashhhhhhole I would have but she’s playing really hard to get and doesn’t exist.

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

Are the nudists wearing masks?

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

gonna ride the Corona Cups at Disney World 🤙

[Electric Jasper @ElectricJasper]

@JamesCageWhite I don’t like it 😤